


I'm With You

by SoMCRat



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Gen, References to Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 30,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoMCRat/pseuds/SoMCRat
Summary: When a young girl gets found by the Doctor, Rose and Jack, she has to decide whether to stay on the TARDIS or go home - but it's rarely that simple.
Comments: 30
Kudos: 11





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Authors note - I started writing this without a plan on where it's going to go, so please forgive me if anything happens that doesn't make sense!  
> I've also taken liberties with everyone's character, so please don't be too harsh on me if they do anything out of character.  
> Also, please leave some feedback, it would be incredibly useful, and maybe make some suggestions on where you want the story to go, etc.  
> Hope you enjoy! :)

I lean against the cage bars, letting them dig into my back as I watch people walk around staring at me, looks of wonder on their faces. It’s been years since I’ve seen another human being, even another living thing, apart from Master. There were the people I saw when I first arrived, but that was it. After spending what I think was a day with them, I was taken away and Master’s face has been the only one I’ve seen for years. It feels so...refreshing to see other people, even in this situation, just seeing their smiles, their laughter, and even their sadness. It somehow makes me feel a little less alone despite the fact that I’m in a cage and they’re out free, walking around like they have nothing to be back for.

It must be around 2 or 3 years that I’ve been here because I don’t seem to have aged really, not drastically, at least. There have been no tell-tale signs like my face shape changing, or even my actual skin changing from what it was when I was taken, apart from the bruises and dirt. Even my hair doesn’t seem to have grown that much, not as much as it should if I was here for longer than 3 years. It might be longer though as it’s all matted at the back due it not being washed for what I assume is 6 months. He only allows me to wash on special occasions, which I gather is Christmas or his birthday, and there’s only been 3. Do aliens even celebrate Christmas, or do they have some sort of equivalent?

Looking down at the rope binding my hands, I sigh, twisting my wrists slightly, trying to loosen the bindings as much as possible. While I’m glad I’m finally getting away from him, I’m worried about who else can take me, if someone even takes me at all. Maybe there is someone else worse than him if that’s even possible. But, I think back on my time with him, and I shudder, forcing my eyes shut. He didn’t even let me sleep on a bed, or give me a blanket. It was just on the cold stone ground. Of course there can’t be anyone worse than him. He’s literally the devil, and I don’t even believe in God.

I think back over my time over the past few years. One moment I’m sitting in bed playing the Xbox, the next I know I’m in a cage with _aliens_ either side of me, and violent sickness which took days to pass. Of course, I didn’t believe it at first, who would? I thought it was all a prank, something my friends did for the end of term. But as time went on, as he forced me to do things that I didn’t want to do, I realised that it was real. I realised that I was taken away from my life to be his pet, his slave. I don’t even know his name, with him always making me call him Master. I don’t even know if he’s human or not, but he certainly doesn’t have any compassion where a human would. What he made me do… it brings tears to my eyes, and I quickly blink them away. I still have bruises from a few weeks ago. Maybe even months.

“Doctor, look! Is that...a human?” I hear a woman’s voice almost shout. With a London accent? My head bolts up and my eyes are met by a young woman. She has medium-long blonde hair, and she is the perfect example of what English beauty is, with big brown eyes and smooth skin. But is she English? Is she even human? She must be to have an accent like that, but who knows? Maybe I’m imagining it, maybe she just has an accent that sounds like an Earth one, but is actually from some distant planet. My hair falls in front of my face as Master comes up next to me, gripping my shoulder tightly. Wincing slightly, I continue to stare into her eyes. She must be real if he’s reacting, but I’m still not sure if she’s human or not, whether I imagined her accent. She looks human, she looks like she’s from my time too by her faded pink hoodie and baggy jeans. Maybe even a bit earlier. Before all of this happened, I would have looked at this girl and hated her immediately, I was insecure like that. But now… I think I love her.

“You are correct, madam, she is indeed a human, and she can be all yours for only 2000 Vuupi, though she’s not as pretty as you, I must say!” He tells her, smiling. He’s a terrible, despicable human, but his selling techniques are actually quite good. Though it pains me, I’ve got to give credit where credit is due. A man appears next to the girl, the Doctor she was calling to I assume. “If you’re not already sold on this foreign beauty, she is fully compliant to all your needs, be it physical, or simply work around the house. She is the perfect servant for you and your husband, as well as being fully equipped to serve your every desire.” I shiver at his words. He doesn’t even see me as a person anymore - I’m simply a cleaning device which has extra benefits.

“Come on Rose, we’ve got work to do.” The man says, his Northern accent shining through. Is he human too? He looks dismissive of both me and the whole situation like he’s seen all this before. Has he seen it all before? Does he know what’s going on here, and does he just not care? Or is he genuinely clueless?

“No, wait, we can’t just leave her here! Look at her, she needs help!” The girl, Rose, objects, pulling him back to where she’s standing. She smiles sweetly at me, her eyes full of worry, and sadness I think. She seems to understand what’s happening here, what I am to him, even if she doesn’t understand the full extent of it. She can probably tell from what he’s said. I stare at the Doctor, something about him just seems weird. But not in a bad way. Something dangerous about him but not deadly. Not cruel. Something that he tries to keep hidden, but still comes out to play every once in a while. He cocks his head, his eyes burrowing into my soul. Does he know what I’m thinking? Does he know what the man has done to me? He must be alien because he doesn’t seem to understand Rose’s emotion. He finds it...excessive. He’s seen this before, why is she reacting like this? Wait, how do I know that? Can I see into his soul as he sees into mine? Shaking my head, I dismiss it as my mind playing tricks on me. It’s been years since I’ve had proper sleep, and it seems to be finally catching up to me, the voices in my head growing louder, shouting, screaming at me to run. But I don’t. I couldn’t get home if I got out anyway. I’m completely trapped, completely isolated.

“Fine. But we’re not paying.” The Doctor says, reaching out to open the cage, but the man bats his hand away, making me jump. I bit down hard on my lip, forcing myself to keep quiet, to not beg. Is he going to leave me here? I taste blood in my mouth, and I quickly wipe it away on my hands. If he sees I’m injured, he might leave me here, and I can’t stay another minute.

“Oh, no, no, no, I don’t think so! I’m not letting this one go that easily, she’s an absolute treat, let me tell you that much. I’ve had 5 glorious years with her, and the only reason I’m giving her up is that I have a new, younger model.” The Doctor, however, isn’t satisfied with this answer, and I immediately want to be sick. A younger model? How old is she? 16? Maybe even younger? Can I leave? He’ll do it to her anyway, but what if I can protect her? The 5 years remark doesn’t even hit me until Master looks back at me, a smirk on his face. How the hell have I been here for 5 years? That means I’m...21? No, that can’t be right. I’ve barely aged, my hair’s barely grown! There’s a big difference between a 17 year old and 21 year old. I’m not allowed to look in the mirror that often so I should be noticing a difference, and yet I don’t. God, I need to get out of here before I go crazy. I stare at the Doctor, and he looks back. If that was real, if he can actually hear my thoughts, it’s worth a try. Anything is at this point.

_“Please, I’m begging you. Get me out of here, please, I can’t do this anymore.”_

“You will let her come with us, for free, otherwise we report you to the Judoon for kidnapping a teenage girl from the 21st century. Do you really want to deal with them on top of your slave trade?” Master takes a step back, debating his options, I think. He can’t have the Judoon sniffing around, whoever they are, they sound like police or something, because he’d be taken away and sent to prison, or even sentenced to death. But he heard me. The Doctor heard me, or it’s just a very, very lucky coincidence. Either way, a fire runs through my body that I haven’t felt in years, and it feels so good. It tells me I’m still alive. He grabs my neck and forces me to stand, the tunic I’m wearing falling flat against my body, heavy with the dirt it’s collected over the years. I grit my teeth, knowing that it’ll only be a few seconds before I’m free, before I never have to see him again. Only a few steps, then I’m away from him, I’ll never be touched by him again, never have his breath on me again, never have his skin on mine.

“If you ever come around here again, I won’t hesitate to kill any of you, especially this slut.” He says, before throwing me into the arms of Rose, who catches me with ease. He gives me one final dirty look before slamming the cage door shut and walking away. Am I really now that light, that a normal human girl can catch me without struggling at all? I grip her arms, tears of happiness rolling down my face. I’m touching another person, and they’re not trying to hurt me. In fact, it’s the opposite. I’m free, I’m finally free. But I’m also thrust straight into the arms of my new owners.

Walking away from the cage, the Doctor looks at Rose and sighs, as I struggle to keep up with them both, even though she’s holding me tightly and doing most of the work.

“We’ll have to come back and get the gem another time.” A disappointed look emerges on his face as he looks at me, before looking straight ahead. Is he angry that he got me out? We walk towards a small blue box, and they don’t show any of the signs of changing course. Is it another cage? My heart starts to pound, and I grip her arm tightly, hesitating to carry on walking and pulling against her. Where do I run? This entire place is crawling with aliens, with no clear way of getting out, and there’s a good chance that Master would catch me and I would be back with him. She notices, and simply stops, nodding at me.

“Hey, it’s okay, we’re not going to hurt you, I promise.” Even from that short sentence, I seem to trust her, even though I still feel anxious about the tiny blue box, and carry on walking. “Come on, let’s get inside before he changes his mind and comes to get her.” He unlocks the box and steps in. I look up at Rose, who smiles encouragingly. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe with us, remember?” I look into her eyes, and I almost immediately believe her. Why do I believe her? Nodding, I let her lead me inside, and I fall to the floor. How is this possible?

“It’s...it’s bigger on the inside, miss,” I stammer, unable to gather the strength to stand up again, gripping the handrail. It’s like my legs refuse to let me go any further. She sits down next to me, shutting the doors.

“I know, I had a pretty similar reaction when I first saw it. But then, I was being chased by a plastic version of my boyfriend, so I guess I had a lot on my mind!” She says, laughing, her voice strangely happy. But it’s not strange. It’s normal to everyone else, but apparently not to me. God, what the hell has he done to me?

“Are you...human? Like me?” I ask, my voice quiet and cracked. All I want to do is cry and sleep, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done to resist this, even compared to everything that’s happened. I never knew how much he’d broken me until now, when I’m surrounded by happy people. She nods, smiling, playing with my hair. I move my head away slightly, and she seems to understand as she drops her hand. Even if it wasn’t so greasy, it would still be weird. I’ve only just met her.

“Yeah, The Doctor picked me up in 2005 about a year ago, I think. Time gets lost on you in here. What about you?”

“I was in 2020 I think,” I tell her, and her smile grows even brighter. I guess that’s not a surprise. It’s still her future. She goes to say something, but I look away, curling my body up into a ball. Even if I did want to talk to her, I don’t think I should tell her about my time. It might change the way she lives her life, especially with what was going on when I left - the world was falling to pieces, and I don’t think she should have to live her life knowing what was coming.

“Ah, who’s this?” I hear another, strange voice ask. I look up to see a man standing next to the Doctor, wearing a white t-shirt and black trousers. “I’m Jack, by the way, Captain Jack Harkness.” He smiles at me, his white teeth almost blinding me, and yet I can’t help but smile. There’s something about him that just...lifts my mood completely. His blue eyes pierce through the dark light of this place, somehow giving me hope that I’ll be okay. Who the hell is he, and how is he making me feel okay?

“Stop it.” The Doctor warns, and I chuckle, feeling lighter than I have in years. Sighing, I manage to stand up with the help of the handrail next to me, making sure I avoid touching Rose, which she notes and steps back, which I’m so grateful for. Even though I’ve been wearing this tunic thing for what I now know is 5 years, I feel incredibly exposed, with all the dirt and bruises covering my skin completely. “What’s your name?”

“Erm, the only name I know is Abigail. That’s the one he gave me, sir.” I say, clearing my throat. Jack stares at me, seemingly unsure of what to think of me. Does he feel the pull I feel for him, or am I just exhausted and imagining it?

“The one he gave you?” Rose asks, walking over to the Doctor and leaning against what I assume is a console. I look at her, nodding, unable to meet her eyes.

“He stripped away my identity when he first got me. I remember that I have a family, a home, friends, but I don’t remember any of them. I don’t even know my own name, miss.” Looking down at my bare feet, I think back to my life before, the urge to break down crying stronger than ever. I remember what I was doing the moment I was taken, but anything before that is a mystery. I remember I have a family, but I don’t know who or how many members. I know what my room looked like, but the rest of the house just doesn’t exist in my mind. I don’t even know what town or city I’m from. “I don’t mean to be rude, but do you think I could have a wash, sir?” I ask, biting my lip. I need to test the waters with these new people. Rose and Jack seem nice enough, but it’s easy enough to see that the Doctor is the leader of this place, even if he pretends they’re all equal.

“You don’t need to ask, and you don’t need to call us Miss or Sir. We’re your friends, Abi.” The Doctor says, smiling. The way he says my name rubs me up the wrong way completely, and I give him a quick smile. He seems a lot goofier right now, but I can still see something behind his eyes. Something dangerous. “Jack, take her to the room next to yours, the TARDIS will sort out her clothes and everything.” Weirdly, I’m actually kind of happy that it’s Jack rather than Rose. She’s incredibly nice and kind, but she seems to take pity on me. Jack seems to see me as...human. God, I'm definitely going crazy.


	2. Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abi really starts to wonder who Jack is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't attack me for how I'm describing everything, I drew from my own experiences with recovery and the guilt surrounding it, so it's not unrealistic, it's just not talked about very often.  
> Hope you like it, and, again, please leave feedback and what you want to see in the future :)

I walk next to him down a seemingly never-ending path of corridors. It’s a silent trip, but I embrace the silence. I can finally think without having to worry about pretending to be okay. What are the plans for me here? To live out my life in the TARDIS? To send me back home? I don’t even know where in England I come from. I think it’s the south, but maybe I had a northern accent and just lost it. I barely know who I am - the only piece of identity I have is the name he gave me, and I know for a fact that that isn’t my name. Would I even fit in at home anymore if they do take me? I’m not the same person, especially with the fact that the only experiences I remember are the ones with Master. Am I even capable of happiness anymore, of living a normal life?

Eventually, we walk into a room, and I almost fall over, Jack’s arms immediately holding me up, helping me to regain my balance. The room is absolutely massive. The bed is bigger than one I’ve ever seen, with a mustard yellow duvet cover and pillows everywhere. The blue wall that the bed rests on perfectly complements it, different variations of paintings everywhere. There’s a laptop in one corner of the room sitting on a desk, which looks incredibly sleek and thin, as well as multiple bookshelves. Opposite the bed, there’s a TV, with an XBOX connected and two controllers sitting on top of the TV unit. There’s also a bathroom in the room, separated by a beautiful wooden door which is wide open, enticing me in. This seems like a luxury that I shouldn’t have. I look up at Jack, whose hands are still on my waist, and I quickly move away, clearing my throat.

“This is insane.” I whisper, looking around the place, my heart pounding.

“I know, these rooms are ridiculous. The first time I saw it, I had to leave about 5 times before I realised it was real.” He chuckles, his laugh somehow infectious.

“It feels like my room back home, only bigger,” I say, stroking the carved wooden desk lightly, ice running through my body for some reason. I feel cold, but it’s a nice feeling, and it’s strange. I feel nice for the first time in a long while. “And obviously more expensive and beautiful.” I sit on the bed, letting it mould to my body shape. “But my room.” I sigh, running my hands through my hair, almost gagging at the feel, deciding to wash before I do anything else. God, it’s been years since I’ve washed properly, with soap. When I was there, I was only allowed to rinse with water every few months. I haven’t had that for ages.

I make my way over to the bathroom, my head spinning. The bathroom is just as beautiful as the room. It has a marble floor, with tiled walls, black tiles covering the bottom half, and the top half white. The bath is the largest bath I’ve ever seen, sitting in the middle of the room, big enough to fit at least 5 people and still probably have room to move around. The sink, which is on the left wall as I come in, matches the design of the rest of the room and has a beautiful white mirror above. I turn the taps on in the bath, which seems to be the exact temperature I want when I run my hand under the water, which seems to already have the bubble bath inside.

“Erm, Jack?” I ask, scratching at the scabs on my knuckles, blood almost immediately pouring out. He looks up at me, smiling. Even his smile makes me happier, which is weird, especially since I feel sick thinking about what I’m going to ask. “This is going to sound really forward, and it’s okay if you say no, but do you mind being in the bathroom while I wash?” He looks at me questioningly but already moving a chair into the room and setting it next to the bath. “I haven’t been on my own in years, and I’m a bit worried,” I say, but he turns the taps off as the bath is already full. Why though? Why am I worried about being on my own, after being around people for as long as I remember? Maybe because that is all I remember. I don’t know how to be on my own. I’m worried about what I’ll do if I’m left with only memories of before.

“Hey, it’s fine, you don’t need to explain. Whatever you need, honestly.” He tells me, smiling. “Do you want me to help with anything?” My fingers fumble at the string on my tunic, unable to reach the bow holding it together with my hands shaking so much, and he notices, slowly walking over to me. 

“Can you undo this, please? I can’t reach it.” I drop my arms to my side, and he pulls the bow undone and unstrings it, his fingers brushing against the injured skin of my back. Even though it’s weird, I find myself craving his touch even more. I shouldn’t be feeling that, not after what Master did to me. Does that mean it wasn’t as serious as I remember, or that I’m being overdramatic? Whatever it means, I don’t care at the moment, as he slides the sleeves off of my shoulders, gently stroking my neck. His fingers seem to linger, but he quickly clears his throat and I turn around, unable to meet his eyes. Why the hell do I feel guilty for that? I don’t have to prove my pain to him, I don’t have to be a mess around him, but I still feel guilty that I’m not.

“Thanks,” I say, ashamed of myself.

Shaking my head, I slide into the bath, my muscles immediately going limp as I lay back, the hot water and bubbles washing over me. I can’t help but almost moan at the feeling, pressing my lips together to stop anything escaping, and Jack laughs, leaning back in his chair.

“I get it, I did the exact same thing!” He chuckles. I stare at him, my entire body under the water, and he smiles slightly. It feels incredibly awkward here, but I embrace the silence, letting the hot water almost burn my skin. I embrace the pain, letting it burn off all the dirt and grease that’s been building up over the last 5 years. “Is your room the only thing that you remember?” He asks, resting against the edge. I nod. 

“That’s only because it was the last thing I saw before I was in a cage in the future surrounded by shitting aliens.” 

“That can’t have been easy.” I shake my head, sitting up, making sure my body’s still covered by bubbles. Even though I feel comfortable around him, the thought of someone else seeing my body is almost enough to make me have a panic attack.

“It wasn’t, but I got through it, and I’m okay now!” I say, making sure I smile. If I act okay, then I’ll be okay, right? That seemed to work for 5 years, why would it be any different now? He doesn’t seem to believe me though as he presses his lips together, but he doesn’t say anything.

After a few minutes of soaking, I feel the urge to cry hit me like a ton of bricks again as I struggle to remember my life before all this happened. All I want is to remember at least one person, one place, but it all seems to be covered in a dark haze. But I can’t stop it this time, and tears flow down my face, heavy sobs racking my body with pain as I curl up into a ball, burying my face in my knees. I hear things hitting the ground, but I can’t do anything but ignore it until I feel arms wrap around me from behind, barely touching me. I jump, hitting the side of the bath to see Jack sitting there, his shirt wet from the steam, but I barely notice. I contemplate moving away, getting out and running the hell out of this place, but I collapse into his arms instead, sobbing against his chest, unable to push the memories out of my head. Even if I wanted to get out, I couldn’t. My entire body feels limp, every limb like it weighs 3 tonnes.

“You’re safe, okay? Just remember that, you’re safe.” He whispers, stroking my hair. Eventually, the sobs stop and I’m left feeling empty and alone, even though Jack’s right next to me, gently holding me in his arms.

“Is there anything to wash with?” I ask, looking up at him, feeling absolutely pathetic. But he simply grabs a bottle off the side, which I’m sure wasn’t there earlier. Before I can stop him, he’s slowly washing my hair, making sure not to touch my back. “Thank you.” I manage to whisper, my throat raw from the crying. I feel so guilty for letting him do this, but I don’t know why. It’s not like anyone can judge me for my reaction to this, they didn’t go through it.

“Hey, I’m here for you, whatever you need,” He tells me, and I sigh, my body slowly relaxing as he massages my head before slowly making his way down my back and arms, checking that every touch is okay before he starts. He also helps me shave my arms and legs, which are completely matted with hair. He then helps me out of the water and wraps a towel around me, rubbing my arms to warm me up, even though I’m still warm. For the first time in forever, I feel completely clean, almost like a new person. Someone who hasn’t had all that bad shit happen. But the bruises on my legs and arms tell a different story. He also helps me dress, as I still feel too exhausted to do anything. His fingers touch my back again, sending chills through my whole body. It feels like electricity, like a breath of fresh air. How is that even possible? I turn around to face him, realising our bodies are close together, barely separated. I look up at him, my eyes gazing into his, and I immediately take a step back, clearing my throat. This is weird as fuck. It’s like I like him, but I don’t  _ want  _ to like him. God, who is this man? Why am I feeling this for him so soon after I came here? After I’m dressed, and my hair’s dry enough to leave down without dripping all over the t-shirt I’m wearing, he helps me to the bed, and I slide under the covers. I lay on my side, and he sits next to me, stroking my hair.

“Can you stay?” I ask, my eyes already forcing themselves shut. He smiles, and nods, his eyes looking warm and inviting.

“Of course.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MENTION OF RAPE - I have highlighted the scene in italics for people who would rather not read it. The story is pretty clear so you won't miss anything important, it's just to understand what she has gone through.  
> Again, please leave feedback, it would be greatly appreciated :)

I slowly open my eyes, still in the same position I went to sleep in. I feel so much...healthier already. Like I’m getting my strength back, becoming the person I used to be, even if I don’t remember her. I turn onto my back groaning, looking around the room to see Jack sitting next to me on the bed, drawing. I say next to me - he’s about half a meter away, and he still has space on the other side. 

“What time is it?” I groan, rubbing my face. I didn’t dream, which is a plus. But I suppose that’ll come later down the line when I’m not so exhausted to completely crash. I’ll have to get some sleeping pills to avoid those.

“Erm, I’m not really sure, but I know that it’s been at least a couple of days.” I sit up straight, my hair falling in front of my face. A couple of days?! Curls obscure my vision, and I smile. I have my natural curl back. They’re not strong curls, just soft ones - like I curled it at the start of the day and it’s now lunchtime - but I have them back. I haven’t seen them for so long. He smiles at me, his eyes sparkling in the strange light of the TARDIS. It’s like a sunset, but constant, and his eyes are the moon rising. God, apparently the person I was was a corny bitch.

“I’ve been asleep for a couple of days? What have I missed?” I ask, throwing the covers off of my body, feeling the need to get up and dress quickly. Why? I’ve got nothing to get up for, nowhere to be, no one to see. I lean back against the headboard, using the pillows to prop myself up and pulling the covers back on. That must have looked so weird. 

“Oh, nothing much. The other two went back to get the gem they were looking for, but nothing much other than that.” Staring at whatever he’s drawing, I notice that he’s in the same clothes he was when I last saw him. 

“Did you not leave?” I ask, yawning. How am I still tired? He shakes his head, glancing up at me, before looking back down at the pad of paper.

“No, you were a bit restless so I stayed in case you woke up and didn’t know where you were.” I smile. Even though I don’t know him really, I still feel completely comfortable around him. Like I could tell him anything. Scooching closer to see what’s on the paper, he immediately hides it from me. The energy radiating from him is almost...intoxicating, his skin so close to mine, yet feeling so far. All I want to do is curl up in his arms and sleep again, but I know I shouldn’t. Should I tell him what I’m feeling? The _pull_ seems a lot stronger now than it did last night. Well, two nights ago.

“What are you drawing?” I ask, smiling. He sighs, reluctantly giving me the pad and looking away. It’s me, sleeping. My mouth opens in shock, and he stares at me, waiting for me to say something. “You made me look...beautiful,” I say, breathless. My hair is draped over my shoulder with strands resting on my face. Even though he’s only used a pencil, he’s captured everything about me. I’ve never seen myself like this before. I’ve always pictured myself to be quite...greasy for some reason. Never this pretty, though.

“Well, you are beautiful.” He states. Before he can say anything else, I stand up, avoiding his gaze. I can’t let this happen. Even if we both want it, I still feel like its...invalidating my experience. What the hell will people think of me?

“Are we...friends?” I ask nervously. He cocks his head, smirking.

“I mean, I think so, do you not think so?” He retaliates, his voice light. I close my eyes, running my fingers through my hair. How do I say this without sounding like a dick? I don’t want it to seem like I’m coming on to him, but there’s no other way to say it. Screw it. I’ve got to know, I have to know that I’m not going crazy.

“Do you feel the pull between us?” I blurt out, my hands on my hips, and his eyes widen in shock, unable to digest what I’ve just said. “Like, the energy between us? For me, it’s been there since the first time I saw you, but it’s a lot stronger this morning, or, whatever time it is. I probably sound crazy, and I don’t want it to seem like I want anything to happen, but I need to know if you feel it too.” I ramble, unable to stop myself. After a painful few seconds, he turns around on the bed, sitting cross-legged and facing me.

“Honestly?” He asks, and I nod, nervous energy coursing through my body. What if he says no, and I actually am crazy? What the hell will happen then? “I feel it too.” I breathe a sigh of relief, but it becomes apparent that that was a mistake when he stands up and walks over to me. “From the first moment I saw you, it’s been this, like, almost painful pull towards you. Even being away from you when I went to the toilet was hard.” I chuckle slightly, half expecting him to kiss me, but he’s keeping his distance, almost circling me like I’m a wounded animal that may lash out at any moment. It feels both good and bad. “But nothing, and I mean nothing, has to happen unless you want it, okay? I don’t want you feeling like I’m pressuring you, because that’s the last thing I want.” A smile spreads across my face.

“Thank you.” I manage to whisper, taking a step closer to him. His arms come out for a hug, but I just hold my hand out to his surprise. He nods slightly, gripping my hand and shaking it gently. “Right, I need a wee.” 

“I’m not surprised. Don’t worry, I won’t go anywhere.” Biting my lip, I walk into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it. Why aren’t I more freaked out at this? I’ve been through hell, been forced to love someone. But here I am, potentially falling in love with someone who I’ve barely known for a day. This can’t be real, can it? I mean, I know this is crazy - people don’t fall in love in a day. Do they? You hear stories about it, and see it in movies, but that doesn’t actually happen. But maybe it does though, maybe we’re one of those cases.

_ Sighing, I sit on the toilet, shutting my eyes. I’m immediately taken back to last year, when he was celebrating something, maybe a birthday or something. He kept me chained to the table as he had dinner, forcing me to watch as I starved while he told me how much he loved me and how he loved me the second he saw me. It didn’t feel like love, though. After, he raped me through the whole night, hitting me over and over again until I was almost unconscious. I can feel everything in my body, the whole thing bringing so much pain until all I want to do is die, but he won’t let me. He heals me just enough to keep me alive, but not enough to have any strength, anything to use against him. Some weeks, I could barely stand up without either being sick or collapsing from the pain. _

A burning pain runs up my arm, and I force my eyes open again, finding the mirror smashed in front of me, blood dripping from my knuckles, and the bathroom trashed. In one of the stray shards, I catch a glimpse of my face which is pale, and my eyes look dark. Angry. The door swings open, the wood splintering, and Jack runs in, fear in his eyes. I stare at him, suddenly aware of the burning tears streaming from mine.

“What the fuck?” I ask, my voice croaking. How did I let this happen? 

“You tell me! I was just lying on the bed, then I heard you screaming and the mirror smash. You okay?” He exclaims. I grip the sink, breathing heavily, trying to calm myself down. I need to get a grip, I need to convince them I’m fine. I need to go home, otherwise why am I still alive?

“I’m fine, I’m sorry. I’ll clean all this up.” I say, wiping my face and collecting pieces of the mirror, suddenly realising that the room is fucking freezing. He walks over to me, taking my left hand into his, studying the slices and the bruising which is now forming. That’s going to be bad if I can already see it.

“Come on, I’ll bandage this up, I’ll clean it up later.” His bright eyes stare into mine with something new inside. Worry? Dread? Fear? Whatever it is, I ignore it and let him lead me back into the room. What the hell happened to me? I was fine, I slept without nightmares, I’ve made a friend, maybe even two. But he’s still in my head, still hurting me even though I’m not there anymore, still trying to ruin every good thing about my life. I stare up at Jack as his fingers work quickly cleaning up the blood and bandaging my hand, suddenly realising we’re sitting on my bed. I wince slightly as he puts some sort of cleaning thing onto the wounds, which just shows me how deep the cuts are. That’s what I get for trying to be happy, I guess. Even for a second. But touching Jack still isn’t terrifying, even after that, it still doesn’t make me feel sick like I expected. It’s like...he feels like home, and I don’t want to lose that, even though it’s fast. Do I reject it because of what other people will think? God, I didn’t think getting out would be so confusing.

“Want to talk about it?” He asks. I consider saying no, that I don’t want to talk to him about anything, that it’s none of his business what I’m feeling, but there’s something about him that makes me feel like I can tell him everything. Maybe that’s what I need, to talk about it, to try and make sense of it outside of my own head, so I nod.

“It’s like I was back there, feeling what I felt there. The pain came back, the fear, the hatred.” I say, and he keeps a hold of my hand, stroking my knuckles gently. It hurts, but not as much as it would talking about this without someone here. “It was only one moment, last year, but it felt so real, like I was never even here. I lived through the whole thing again.” He stares into my eyes, and I can see the cogs turning in his brain trying to figure out what to say. “And I’m tired of it. I thought I could just move on from him, just move on with my life, but apparently not. He’s always here, in the back of my mind, telling me that I’ll never be happy.” I wipe a tear away, unable to look him in the eye. “I’m tired of feeling like the next step is hopeless, Jack. I don’t think I can go on like this.”

“What did he do to you?” He asks carefully like he’s scared to know the answer.

“Let’s just say I was more than a slave to him,” I say, making it clear that I’m not going to elaborate, but he seems to understand as tears well up in his eyes. He quickly blinks them away, gripping my other hand tightly, but still loose enough for me to move it without any fight.

“Listen to me, you can go on because I’m going to be right here with you, helping you. You are going to get back to yourself, because what other choice is there?” I close my eyes, letting my head hang. 

“I’m scared.”

“I know, but we’ll get through it, okay? You won’t have to go through this alone.” I nod, breathing heavily, and tears still running down my face. Physically, I won’t be alone, but I think I will be inside. I think I’ll always be alone inside.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't really sure how to finish this chapter, and it may seem terrible (please forgive me), so any feedback would be greatly appreciated, and make sure to say where you want the story to go :)

We stand in the console room, listening to the Doctor explain something, and it’s incredibly difficult to keep up. I look to my left to see Rose listening intently, looking like she knows what’s going on, but by the expression on her face, it seems she’s having trouble keeping up, too. Nice to know I’m not the only one.

I’ve been here about a week, I think, and it’s been good. I’ve had a lot of nightmares, and have had to take tablets in order to keep me asleep, and I’ve freaked out a couple of times, but Jack’s always been there to tidy the place up, to calm me down and patch me up. Even Rose has been nice, cooking me toast and bacon every morning. I think she feels responsible for me for some reason, like she owes me. Yet it’s me who owes her.

“Be careful, everyone, and make sure you stay in contact at all times, there’s a chance this could be dangerous” The Doctor finishes, before handing me an earpiece and leaving the TARDIS, Rose following. Jack stops beside me, taking my hand. 

“Wait, what are we doing again?” I ask, suddenly snapping back to reality, and I make my way outside with Jack gripping my hand, his thumb rubbing small circles. That’s become something of a habit for us - it helps me keep grounded in this reality instead of accidentally disappearing into my own head and hurting myself.

“We’re looking for some sort of device, something that can help bring back memories apparently.” He explains, his voice low like he’s concentrating on something else. We trudge through a city that seems to be destroyed, maybe by a bomb or something. Whatever happened hasn’t left much behind, only broken glass and rocks, and the shells of the buildings look like piles of rubble despite being mainly intact. I pull the jacket I’m wearing tighter around my body, unable to stop the cold from entering.

“What does it look like?” I ask Jack, looking around and sliding the earpiece into my ear. 

“Well, that I have no idea.” I scoff and roll my eyes, wandering into a building and seeing that it’s the remains of some sort of office. I wonder what kind of work they did here. Desks lay thrown everywhere, pieces of wood crunching under the weight of my boots. “Doctor, what is this place?” I hear his voice both in my ear and behind me, and it throws me slightly, causing me to almost trip over a rogue piece of metal simply lying on the floor.

“It’s one of Earth’s sister planets, out in the Upsilon Leporis galaxy. It got caught up in the time war, killing everyone on the planet. Just...be careful, okay? We don’t know what’s come here since.” His northern voice seems stronger than ever. I look back at Jack, who hands me a long piece of metal, which looks like piping from the building's plumbing, as well as keeping one for himself. I nod, understanding what he means. If anyone’s managed to survive on this planet in these conditions, then they’re most likely dangerous. Or just a medical miracle. “Torchwood was based around here, so look in any storerooms, things like that. If you find anything that looks important, bring it back to the TARDIS, no harm in collecting some new stuff!” We wander up the broken stairs to the next floor, sometimes actually having to climb up the stairs to reach the next one, searching every cupboard but we find nothing. Eventually, we reach the top floor, which is, quite simply, a massive room filled with boxes and boxes of stuff.

“I’ll bet ten pounds that it’s here,” Jack states, and I nod, using the bit of metal to pry the lid off of one of the boxes, at the edge of the room near the only intact window I’ve seen. 

“Well, at least everything has labels on.” I shiver, my teeth chattering, wind and rain pushing through the cracked windows almost violently as I move on to the next box, only to hear a piece of glass break from across the room. My head shoots up, first looking at Jack who is unmoving, searching through the biggest box in the room. It wasn’t him, so who was it? Gripping the metal bar, I slowly make my way over to the opposite side of the room, my heart pounding out of my chest. What if it’s him, what if he’s come back for me? I knew he could never let me go, not really. I force myself to calm down, the sweat on my palms forcing the metal to slide out of my hand. It drops onto the floor with a loud bang. Before I can pick it up, more glass breaks, and the door I’m facing swings open, showing someone who looks human, but their skin is all burned and grey in the light of the planet. Their hair is ragged like it’s been backcombed for 3 hours, and they don’t seem to have any eyes, well, any colour in them. And yet they pierce through my soul, seeing everything about me and...understanding me somehow. But I can’t move fast enough to get away from them, as they lunge at me, knocking me across the room, following me as fast as a car would. How the hell are they doing that? I groan, sharp pains flowing through my body as I hit the ground hard, shouting for Jack, but, again, I’m not fast enough to react as the thing is faster and throws me against the glass window, which breaks immediately. 

Oh god, I’m going to die. The glass creates paper cuts across my skin, and time seems to slow down as water falls from the sky, soaking me immediately. I look up at the sky, staring at the swirling clouds and the droplets of water which have slowed down, thinking back as far as I can remember. At least I’m going to die a free woman, not as someone who’s slave owner beat them too hard. I had some sense of a life back, and I’m happy with that, well, as happy as I can be with that. But there are no stars. I wish there were stars. I close my eyes, finally accepting this, but as I do, I hear gunfire and a hand grabs my arm just before it goes out of reach, pulling me back into the room as hard as they can, causing me to almost fly back, my heart pounding. I land against Jack, who seems to catch me with ease, holding me close as my fingers claw at his shirt, tears rolling down my face. At least, I think they’re tears. It might be rain. I’m alive, I really am alive.

“What the hell was that?” Jack asks, helping me stand up properly but not letting me go. I grip his shirt, my whole body still feeling like I’m falling. 

“They’re what’s left of the race who lived here. The nuclear fallout caused them to mutate beyond recognition.” I hear the Doctor say. I look over at him, Rose standing by his side holding a smoking gun. “That’s why I said be careful! God, humans are so stupid, you just go blundering in without thinking about the consequences!” He exclaims, but Jack doesn’t seem to accept this outburst, but I take this one instead. I need to stand up for myself, rather than relying on Jack all the time. He won’t be there when I finally go home. 

“No! No, this one is on you! You didn’t warn us about whatever is out here, you didn’t say how fucking dangerous they are, or how fast they are.” I almost shout, forcing myself to stand up without the help of Jack. I have no idea where I’m getting this strength from, but I like it. I feel strong.

“You don’t talk to me like that, I saved you!” He yells, and I punch him. Hard.

“You may have gotten me out of there, but I saved myself. I kept myself alive, and everything I do, it’s on my own. None of you know how this feels, so don’t say you saved me. Ever again.” I say, my voice low and my hands shaking. All I want to do is run, but I can’t. My entire body feels like it’s frozen in place, like my blood is pumping too fast and too slow at the same time. He stands up, and steps closer, to the point where I can feel his breath on my face.

“If you ever touch me again, I will drop you off right where we found you, I’m not even joking.” He tells me, almost growling. I laugh, pushing him.

“I may be crazy, but you’re a fucking murderer. Let’s not forget that, eh?” His eyes widen in shock, and he steps back, seemingly backing down. “All I want to do is go home, okay? That’s all I want.” After a second, I sigh, and walk away, ignoring Jack’s calls. But it’s the sound of someone dropping to the ground that I turn around to see Jack on top of the Doctor, punching him hard. I bite my lip. Do I let him carry on? He deserves it, but Jack doesn’t. I sprint over to them, ripping Jack away from him and pulling him into a hug. I stare at the Doctor, whose face is covered in blood. 

“Get the hell out of my sight.” We walk through the streets, Jack breathing heavily. He refuses to let go of me, even though I don’t ask. I don’t want to ask. The strength I had before seems to have faded, and I’m left a shaking mess, unable to even tell him that I’m thankful for him. I almost trip when we enter the TARDIS, but we don’t stop. 

“I thought I was safe,” I mumble as he walks me to my room. He sighs, stopping and moving to face me, wiping a tear from my eye.

“Hey, look at me, hey.” He pulls my head up until my eyes meet his, and there’s that thing again, the thing I can’t place. “I will do literally anything to keep you safe, and I will never let anyone hurt you ever again.”

“You can’t, though. What you did, back there, you lost control. I can’t let you do that for me, that’s not who you are.” He sighs, resting his forehead against mine as the bath fills up. 

“I know. I know, I’m sorry. But that won’t happen again, I swear.” 

I sit in the bath, and this time he’s sitting next to me, slowly washing away everything that happened. I stare at the wall. 

“Everything that happened, everything I got through. I survived torture, and I was almost killed by someone who had survived, the same as me.” He doesn’t respond, there’s no need to. “It’s like I’m not meant to live, like someone’s trying to keep me from being happy, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”


	5. Finding the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short, but I didn't want to over fill it any more than necessary!  
> Hope you still enjoy it, and like always, please leave feedback, it would really help :)  
> Side note - new chapters are out every day, so please check back if you're enjoying, as there will almost definitely be a new one out :)

I walk around the corridors of the TARDIS, wandering aimlessly. It feels like this place is alive, like it’s leading me somewhere. Eventually, I stop in front of a closed door, hearing the Doctor and Jack talking. “I’m drawn to her, like something is pulling me to her no matter what I do.” I hear Jack say, and a small smile appears on my face. He actually feels it too, he wasn’t lying. “And when you put her in danger, when she almost died, I was so ready to kill you. Hell, I almost did!”

“Your fates are intertwined, anywhere I look, she’s suddenly there with you. I don’t know what it is, but she’s changed your whole future, like something is forcing you both together for something, but I can’t see what.” The Doctor says, and my heart drops. “Someone really wants you two to be together, and they don’t care who either one of you hurt in the process.”

“Wait, so what? You’re saying that we don’t have real feelings for each other, but rather they’re manufactured?” I hear Jack ask. What I feel isn’t real. Everything he does, even saving me, is wired into his brain by someone else rather than him actually wanting it. Do I carry on as normal, allowing him to help me recover? Do I stay away from him and refuse to see him? That would allow him to be himself again, I mean, he almost killed someone he deeply cares about for me. I was right, there is someone out there refusing to let me be happy.

“I don’t know, but what I do know is that, if we don’t get rid of her, she’s going to burn everything down, including you. She’s toxic, Jack. Stay away from her, I’m begging you.”


	6. Remembering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you enjoy this one, I found this one strangely hard to write. The next few should be a lot better.  
> Again, new chapters every day, and please leave feedback, it would be really useful :)

I sit in a chair, surrounded by the Doctor, Jack, and Rose, everyone fiddling with something or other. They actually managed to find the thing that gives memories after 2 months of searching, a strange-looking helmet that puts needles inside your head in order to access the brain. Even the look of it makes me shiver, imagining the pain that those needles will inflict on me. I have no idea how it works, but I just pray that the Doctor does, I really can’t be bothered to deal with it if it goes wrong.

It’s been 2 months since that trip to the sister planet, 2 months since I overheard Jack and the Doctor. 2 months of bonding with Jack, even though I told myself I was going to stay away from him, who sits on the floor next to me, holding my hand. It’s been hard, but I finally feel like I’m getting back to who I was. All the bruises have finally healed, and my skin is completely clear apart from the scars, which are quite easy to ignore during my everyday life. I feel almost normal again.

“Right, this is probably going to hurt, but it should be fine.” The Doctor says, fiddling with the switches. I take a deep breath and nod, digging my fingernails into my palm in order to ground myself. I can do this, of course I can do this. I have to do this. “We should be able to see and hear everything you do, so you don’t have to worry about forgetting anything.”

“Just do it,” I state, and there’s suddenly massive pain in my head causing my whole body ache almost immediately. 

I want to scream, but I’m not in the TARDIS anymore. I feel like my head is on fire, and I rub my eyes hard, the light coming in from the window making it hard to see. Wait. The window? I look around, and all the air is knocked out of my lungs. I’m sitting on my bed back home, the TV not even on. Oh my god, I’m back home. I stand up, trying to open the door, but it seems to be sealed shut. 

“Hello?” I ask, but I get no answer. This must be before I got taken, but I can’t leave the room. My hair is a lot shorter, barely coming past my shoulders, and I’m wearing glasses. God, he must have fixed that when I first got to him. I look young. But not physically. My eyes. They look less tired, younger. I try the handle of the door again, but it still won’t budge. I pull harder, slamming my hands against it, but it won’t even make a noise, only hurting my knuckles. Suddenly, I scream, collapsing against the wall, feeling the needle slide deeper into my head, and I’m in my old living room, my mum sitting next to me. My mum.

“Mum?” I ask, causing her to look over at me, breathing heavily. God this hurts so much more than the Doctor warned. I’m going to kill him when I get back.

“Kasey?” She asks in the same tone, laughing at her own joke. This is actually my mum. A tear rolls down my face as I throw myself into her arms, breathing her in.

“Oh my god. Oh my god, I remember you!” I almost shout. “I’ve missed you so much, never leave me again, I love you so much!”

“Hey, I love you too! What’s happened, what’s up?” I have no time to answer though, as my head feels like it’s exploding again and I’m sitting in college with all of my friends, and we seem to be playing Uno with someone else. Zack, I think. Oh my god, I remember his name.

“Walker’s Sixth Form,” I say, causing them all to stare at me and laugh.

“What the hell? Have you snorted coke again?” My friend Layla asks, laughing. I smile at her, at them all. 

“Where do we live again?” I ask. I have my life, my memories back. They all look so happy, so content in their lives. God, if only we knew what was coming here.

“Erm, Saint Lomthall, you dick.” James, who is sitting on my right, says, handing me a tissue. “You’ve got a bit of a nose bleed there.” I touch my fingers to my nose, seeing them come away bloody. There’s no time to react though, as I scream, pain filling my head until my eyes meet Jack’s again. I’m back in the TARDIS. I breathe heavily, taking one of the tissues on the table beside me, wiping my nose until there’s no blood left, blinking hard to clear my vision. I rest my forehead against his, and he runs his fingers through my hair.

“That did more than hurt, Doctor,” I tell him, and he nods, smiling slightly as he removes the needles from my head and putting the helmet on the floor, drops of blood rolling down my face. I quickly wipe it away, standing up slowly, my head still spinning.

“Well, it was worth it because we finally know who you are and where you’re from.” He states. “Jack’s going to take you back to your room while we narrow down the places, Rose will come and get you when we’re ready.” I’m going home. I’m actually going home. 


	7. Is this goodbye?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, the next chapter will be out straight after this one so this section can be finished.  
> Please leave feedback, it will be greatly appreciated, and hope you're all staying safe out there :)

We both lay on the bed, Jack playing with my hand and fingers, our bodies intertwined, but still barely touching, every touch planned out.

“I remembered my mum, Jack. I have a life out there, a family, a friendship group.” He looks at me, and I look back, our noses about a centimetre away, close enough to feel his breath. But he doesn’t appear happy. In fact, he looks the opposite. 

“That means you can go home, have a normal life.” He states, his voice deeper than usual. But do I want a normal life? Or do I want a life with Jack? I’ve loved my time here, and I don’t know if I want to give it up, if I want to give Jack up. I’m so happy here, but what if I’m not happy there? I have no way of getting back here. It would be a massive leap of faith when I don’t even know what to do, what I want.

There’s only one way to find out what I really want. Taking a deep breath, I gently press my lips to his, before pulling back to look into his eyes. After what seems like an eternity, his hand cupping my cheek as he kisses me, still gentle, and I savour every touch, every piece of my skin touching his. It feels like electricity running through my body, bringing me back to life. I finally feel something good. But he soon pulls away and sits up on the edge of the bed. “We can’t.” I follow suit, sitting crossed legged where I laid.

“I heard you and the Doctor talking a while ago. About us.” I say. He looks at me, shocked, unable to say anything. “But I know what I feel, what I actually want. I know that I really like you, and I don’t want to give that up if it actually means something.”

“But you can go home, you can have your life back, with the people you were meant to spend the rest of your life with.” He turns to look at me, and I see tears welling up in his eyes. Sighing, I move closer to him, but still not touching him. “It’s just not with me.”

“Look, I have no idea what I want to do right now, okay? Yes, I might want to go home and live the life I was meant to, but maybe I don’t want that.” I take a second before talking again, trying to avoid saying anything that I might regret. “Before I met you lot, before I met  _ you _ , I was so sure that I wanted to go home, that I was going to do anything to get there, no matter the cost. But then I met you, and you helped me get better, helped to rebuild me. While I do still feel alone, you’ve made me feel like I was a part of something, that I had a family again. And I don’t know if I’m going to be able to let that go. Let you go.” He smiles slightly. “I’ve seen so many things, experienced things you wouldn’t imagine. But these past couple months with you have been the happiest of my life, even if I only have some of my memories back.”

“But you have your life, your mum, your friends. You can’t just leave them.” I take his hand, clutching it tightly.

“Look, I’m not saying I won’t go. But I left them a long time ago, and, you know, if there’s something to keep me here-” I don’t know what I’m going to say next, but I don’t have to think of anything as Jack is suddenly kissing me, holding my face in his hands. I kneel on the bed, leaning against him, kissing each other hungrily. His hands grip my waist, pulling me as close to him as physically possible. It feels like forever, but it also feels like no time has passed at all when he finally pulls away. 

“I really have fallen for you, ain’t I?.” I chuckle as we both lay back on the bed, Jack playing with my hand and fingers once again, our bodies intertwined, and we’re actually touching in every way possible.


	8. Where do I go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, I wrote this pretty fast so please forgive me if there are any mistakes! Please leave feedback, and I hope you're all safe out there! :)

I slide my eyes open, Jack’s arm draped over me as he sleeps, his hot breath moving my hair over my face. Smiling to myself, I remember what happened last night. We layed in bed, and he read to me, just a random story from one of the books on my bookshelf. For the first time in forever, I finally feel completely and utterly happy. I look at the end table, and see a note from Rose, saying that they’ve found my home, only a week after I left. I sigh, sitting up and running my fingers through my hair. Home. I quickly pull on my black skinny jeans, my stomach churning. What if it goes wrong? What if they don’t recognise me? I have changed a lot, what if it’s too much? Jack appears behind me as I button up my shirt, resting his chin against my shoulder.

“Mmm, do we have to go?” He asks, his voice still slow from sleep. I lean against him, kissing his cheek, momentarily giving in as I turn around in his arms and kiss him deeply, pressing my body against his. But I soon remember why we’re up in the first place.

“I’m tempted, but Rose wants us in the console room,” I say, and his body tenses up, letting go of me.

“I guess they found your home.” He says, getting dressed alongside me. I sigh, pulling on the leather jacket Jack got me from a marketplace. Will I fit in back home? Will I still be able to live there? I turn to Jack, who hasn’t put his shirt on yet. He is the most beautiful man I’ve ever met. His abs aren’t that defined, but they’re still there, and his tanned skin really helps. His messy hair falls in his eyes, making him seem more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him. I wrap my arms around him, kissing him lightly. 

“Will you come with me?” I ask, smiling slightly. He chuckles, nodding.

“You don’t even need to ask.” 

* * *

We stand just inside the TARDIS, the Doctor and Rose already outside. I look down at my clothes, suddenly incredibly uncomfortable in everything I’m wearing, even the jacket Jack gave me.

“Is this okay? This doesn’t look right, does it?” I ask, running my hands through my hair. “My hair is longer, they’re going to notice.” His hands land on my face, and his eyes look deep into mine.

“We can go change, if you want, but you look amazing, I promise.” He presses his lips to mine, and I sigh, closing my eyes. I’ve changed, and my style has changed. That’s fine, of course that’s fine. But they don’t know that, do they? In their eyes, I’ve been gone a week. I’ve barely been gone. “You ready?” He asks, and I nod, pulling away. 

“Let’s do this.” We step outside, and I’m hit with summer heat, and the sight of my house. My beautiful, normal, tiny council house. “Jesus.” I whisper, gripping Jack’s hand. Oh god, I don’t think I can do this. I’m not her daughter any more. 

“Time for you to go home, then.” The Doctor tells me, his hands in his pockets. I stare at the front door, imagining myself walking up those stairs and knocking on the door, seeing my mum open it up and breaking down before me. 

“Hey, give her a minute, alright?” Jack tells the Doctor, and I take a deep breath.

“You know, after everything that’s happened, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” I whisper, feeling my chest tighten up. It can go wrong so easily. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do this.” I say, dropping Jack’s hand from mine and walking down the road, barely looking where I’m going until I reach the small patch of grass facing the main road. I always doubted that muscle memory was a real thing, but this just proves it. 

Breathing heavily, I sit down, watching the cars passing by, each filled with people, each person either singing, talking or just laughing. People living their normal lives, doing what they were meant to do. Eating dinner, sleeping, going to work, and doing the same thing over and over again until they either die or retire. What is even the point of living where you don’t do anything meaningful at all? What is the point of living when there’s nothing to reward you when you die, someone punishing the bad people and rewarding the good one? Most people would turn to God after what I’ve been through, saying he was the one giving them strength to survive. But not me. God wouldn’t have let this happen to someone, no matter who they were or what they’d done previously. He wouldn’t allow that kind of suffering to take place, but it did happen. So, I can either choose to believe that God is real, and He allowed that to happen, or that He isn’t real and there’s no grand plan, there’s no real punishments. I choose the second option. I close my eyes, seeing his face in my mind, laughing at me. I’m never going to be rid of him. I can never move on, not while I can remember him. I can never go back to my old life. Looking up, I see Jack sitting next to me silently. The man who has helped me so much. The man who helped me forget the hell I went through and helped me experience just a taste of heaven.

“You okay?” He asks. 

“I’m not the same person who left, Jack. I’m not her daughter anymore.” I stammer, unable to speak properly apparently. I didn’t know it would be this hard. “I can’t go in there and live my life again. It doesn’t feel like mine anymore, like it’s someone else’s.” I stare into his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. “But my life with you, in the TARDIS, travelling, that feels like home, like what I’m meant to do.” 

“I love you, Kasey, I really do. Like I said before, I will never leave you. I’m with you till the end, remember?” I smile.

“Can I be alone for a second? Just need to get my bearings.” He quickly leaves, not before he kisses me on the forehead. Do I stay in my new home, or do I go back to my old one? It’s true, I’m not the same person anymore. I don’t know if I’ll be able to live happily there ever again. I bite my lip, picking at the grass, before deciding. I know who I am now, I think. I can come back whenever I want when I feel more like myself, if that day ever comes. I want to be with the man who’s saved my life, the man I think I love. I walk up the hill, happy, finally having meaning to my life. I know what I want. But that quickly changes when I hear the sound of the TARDIS leaving. I sprint up the road, my feet hitting the ground hard, almost tripping over myself.

“Jack! DOCTOR!” I scream, throwing myself at the TARDIS, but falling straight to the floor, smashing my shoulder into the concrete. “No, no you can’t leave me! You can’t!” I shout at the sky. “Please, not after everything, don’t leave me!” I scream, my throat painful. Even after all this time, my throat still burns. Apparently I had scabs on my throat after what happened, and I keep opening them up. God, this is messed up.

The door to my house opens, and I can see my mum walk outside, a massive smile spreading across her face. But I don’t smile back. Instead, I sob. Over and over again, my body shaking with rage and sadness. She runs over to me, hugging me as tight as she possibly can. “He left me, mum, he’s gone!” I sob into her arms. After all of that, he lied to me. He abandoned me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this one as a little scene just to separate the two halves of her life.  
> Please enjoy, and please leave feedback and any suggestions on where you want the story to go, it's been very useful, so keep it coming :)  
> Stay safe out there!

The sun beams down from the perfectly blue sky, warming my skin, but it’s only surface warmth. It’s like my heart is cold. I sit on the front steps of my house, a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, staring at the spot where the TARDIS was parked, unable to even move my head. I don’t even know how long it’s been since I got back, but I know I haven’t spoken to anyone since I was here. Not even my mum. But, somehow, she understands and just sits with me, not asking about anything other than if I’m hungry or if I’m tired. I turn to her slowly, every muscle screaming for me to stop, and see that she’s watching the same spot I am.

“How long have I been here?” I ask, my voice slow and quiet, with no tone to it at all. She looks over at me, like she’s surprised I’m here. 

“Three days.” She states, running her hand down my head. Her voice is so full of love and...sadness. I look back at the spot, watching the leaves fill it, a sign that nothing is there. That nothing is going to be there forever. “Kasey...I’ve held off asking you because I didn’t want to push you, but I need to know. What happened to you?” I look her in the eyes, feeling them burn with the lack of sleep I’ve had. I don’t know. Do I tell her? “Because, sometimes, when I look at you, it’s like you’ve been away for years, even though you look the same.” 

“You’d never believe me even if I told you.” I say. It feels like I want to cry, like I want to break down in her arms, but, at the same time, I can’t. I can’t do anything because they would never understand, they would section me immediately. Leaving me alone once again. “You’d never believe me.” I whisper, staring into the sky. They’re out there somewhere, the people who believe me and helped me, having the time of their lives while I’m stuck here, surrounded by people but so alone. So, completely alone.

“Hey, listen to me, you’re my daughter, there’s nothing you could say that I wouldn’t believe.” She tells me, her hand on my cheek, forcing me to keep eye contact with her. How would I even start to tell her? Tell her I was taken to an alien planet and raped by a psychopath who thought we were in love for 5 years, then I went travelling in a time machine with a man who I loved with all of my heart, and now I’m back, 5 years older, but still looking the same except for my hair? How would I start that story without her thinking I’m crazy? I pull away from her, my eyes settling back to where they were previously, and she sighs. “Okay. You don’t have to tell me, never if you want, but you’re not alone, I swear to you. I’ll never leave you alone.”

“But I am, aren’t I?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cat ran across the keyboard when writing this one, so there may be some mistakes that I've missed, sorry!  
> The next chapter will be out straight after this, so you won't have to wait that long for the next part.  
> Please leave feedback, and ideas for where you want the story to go :)  
> Stay safe out there!

I stare at the water tower in Cardiff, mesmerised. I think about Jack, and about the last three years. I only stayed at home for a week, only speaking to them properly in the last two days, then I left. I was right. I couldn’t live there anymore. They treated me like they used to, but I can’t cope with that. I’m not who she gave birth to anymore, I’m not their sister. They tried to talk to me about past times, and how much they missed me, but I was numb to them. I was barely able to play along with it, pretending how much I missed them when I didn’t even remember them. It was too hard on me, and them. They thought they got their sister, their daughter back, but they actually got a hollow version, one who would leave them in a heartbeat. One who did leave them, and they deserve better than that. Better than me.

So I decided to raid the ruins of Canary Wharf. Well, the ones that are underground, and have been deemed unsafe due to radiation - even the professionals couldn’t get in there. But I managed to find a route that was the least radiated. I was still sick, violently, but I got over it. In that process, I found this type of time travel thing and went back about 16 years. Not my choice, but it worked well enough. I need to rebuild my life without any links to my past. It’s been two years since I did that, and I’ve been travelling around the country, helping anyone who needs it just to give my life purpose. It never seems to work though, as I always find myself numb to their pain. There was this woman whose children had been taken and used as drug mules from Russia down into Mongolia. I knew I should feel sorry for her, that I should be trying my best to get the children out of that situation just because I want to, but I ended up getting them out because it suited me. I wanted something out of it, something to feel, rather than helping them out of the goodness of my own heart.

I turn around to see a Welsh man in a suit on the phone with someone, shouting at him. He looks...sad. Angry. He has cuts on his knuckles, which are coated with dried blood, and some sort of bruise on his face, but it’s not really clear at this distance. Maybe he can make me feel something. I walk over to him and clear my throat. He looks up at me like he’s surprised that I’m talking to him.

“You okay, man?” I ask, making sure my bag is sitting comfortably on my shoulders. He looks me up and down, and nods, smiling.

“Yeah, just been a tough day, you know.” He tells me, sliding his phone back into his pocket, barely able to look me in the eyes for some reason. 

“Looks rough, mate,” I say, nodding towards the cuts and cruises on his face. He chuckles, rubbing his hands over them, wincing at the touch.

“Ah, it was my fault anyway, did something bad.” He states. He has a beautiful Welsh accent that sounds like butter and piercing blue eyes. Like Jack’s. “But thanks for asking, you’re the first person to care about what I’m feeling.”

“Want to talk about it?” I ask, smiling. What the hell did he do? Must have been bad, or someone may have just been in a mood. You can never tell.

“No, it doesn’t matter. I need to get back anyway, or my boss will come looking for me, and believe me, you don’t want to get on his bad side, especially recently.” And I believe him. There’s a flash of fear in his eyes when he says it. Did he do that to him?

“What’s your name, by the way?” I ask, trying to keep him out long enough for his boss to come looking. Whatever this man has done it can’t be bad enough to warrant a beating. There’s an anger in me that surges up as quickly as it leaves, and it feels good. That’s the first time I’ve felt something...real for, god, months.

“Ianto, Ianto Jones.” He states, holding out his hand. I shake it, smiling. Fake it till you make it, right?

“Nice to meet you, Ianto Jones. My name is…” I trail off. What is my name? Nowadays, I go by Victoria Smith, but that’s just because it can’t be traced easily, well, back to me at least. But I don’t use my normal name anymore. I haven’t in years. Do I use Kasey? Abigail? “Sorry, my name Kasey.”

“Not to be rude, but it took you a long time to figure that one out!” Ianto exclaims, actually smiling. Not a polite smile, but an actual smile. Even with all the cuts and bruises, he’s still a beautiful man, especially when he smiles. But it quickly disappears as his eyes set on someone walking up to us, a man wearing a long blue-grey coat and...suspenders. Who the fuck wears suspenders? “That’s my boss. Hey, it was nice to meet you, Kasey, but I have to go.” He starts to walk, but I put my hand on his chest, stopping him. Even though I don’t expect him to, he doesn’t put up much of a fight. Does he want someone to protect him, someone to be there when they talk? What the hell did he do to him to get this amount of fear out of him?

“Did your boss do this to you?” I ask. He doesn’t answer but very slightly nods. I bite my tongue, anger coursing through my veins. All this does is take me back to the 5 years I spent in captivity. No one should have to go through that, even for a minute. I spin around, marching towards the man, but I stop in my tracks when I see his face.

"No."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short! Again, I didn't want to over fill it.  
> Like always, please leave feedback, it's incredibly useful! :)  
> Next chapters will probably be out tomorrow, but they might come out tonight if I'm bored.  
> Stay safe out there!

“Ianto, get the hell back inside before I force you!” He yells, before setting his eyes on me. All the oxygen leaves my body as he stares at me, his eyes barely even looking at me over the anger he’s feeling. “Whoever the hell you are, you forget you ever saw us.” He states before turning to leave again. He looks older. He doesn’t even recognise me. I haven’t changed that much, have I?

“Jack,” I whisper. He looks at me questioningly. 

“I said, forget us otherwise I swear to god, I will end your life.” I can’t help but laugh. Hysterically. 

“So this is what you’ve been doing, living your life while you leave me to suffer!” I almost shout, pushing him. He looks at me, shocked, before pulling a gun out and pointing it at my head. He’s finally recognised me, I think, as all the colour leaves his face, and his eyes seem to change colour slightly.

“You can’t be here, that’s impossible. Who are you, and how did you use her face?”

“Are you going to kill me, then? Because I haven’t forgotten you, Jack.” I ask, my voice breaking slightly. He doesn’t lower his gun for another few seconds, putting it back into his holster. “It’s me, Jack. I swear to you.” I hand him the picture he drew for me on the first day I was in the TARDIS, and he stares at it, then back up to me. I move my hair out of my face, but the wind pushes it right back. God, I hate Wales. 

“You can’t be here. You can’t.” His eyes stare into mine, unsure of what to think.

“What, after you abandoned me after telling me you loved me?” The anger comes back into my veins, but he pulls me into his arms, hugging me close to his body. I fight him at first, hitting him as hard as I can, but I eventually sink into his arms, even though it feels…off. No, that’s probably from the emotions I’m feeling, the anger of seeing him again.

“I thought I’d never see you again. You’re here, you’re safe here with me!” He whispers into my ear. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context, this takes place after the Torchwood episode 'Cyberwoman', but this obviously doesn't follow the same route as the series.   
> Hope you enjoy this one, and the few next chapters should be coming out tonight as I have nothing else to do :)  
> Stay safe out there!

I sit on the sofa in what I can only call a Sci-fi super base. Ianto stands in the kitchenette, staring into nothing while the kettle boils. Sighing, I walk over to him and stroke his arm, finally noticing how much blood is on his shirt. What the hell happened here, and where is everyone else? There’s too many desks for there to be only two people working here.

“Hey, go and sit down, I’ll do the tea.” I say quietly, but he shakes his head. 

“Jack will kill me.” He states, but I wave him off.

“I’ll deal with Jack, just go and have a sit down, you look like you need it.” He smiles gratefully before making his way over to the sofa and leaning into it. Jack appears behind me, his hands in his pockets I’ve dreamt about seeing Jack again for years, imagining what I’d do when I saw him. Most of them included hitting him as hard as I can, others were just imagining him taking me back in the TARDIS, but this is different. It’s a lot less...emotional. From me, not him. Now that the initial anger has worn off, I feel numb to him. Like I’m seeing a stranger, not a man I was deeply in love with.

“You don’t tell my staff what to do.” He states, anger in his voice hidden by his calmness. I place a teaspoon down on the counter, and turn to face him, unable to even get angry at him. God, what is wrong with me? 

“But it’s okay to beat them?” I ask, and he steps back in shock, unable to think of what to say in response. “God, who are you, Jack? Seriously? You used to be so kind, so caring. Now look at you. You look like the bloke who took me in the first place.” His face falls, and there’s a flash of something behind his eyes, but not what it used to be. Anger? Fear?

“You don’t know what he did, though. He caused people to die! All to save his girlfriend who was already dead!” He stammers, stepping forward, but I just cross my arms.

“And you’re seriously telling me that you wouldn’t do the same? If there was just a tiny glimmer of hope?” I ask. I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation. I’ve made peace with what happened, even though I hate it. “You almost killed the Doctor because he put me in danger. What would you have done if you thought you could save me even if I was already dead?” He sighs, looking back at Ianto.

“But…” 

“How long has it been for you?” I ask, and he sighs.

“300 years, give or take.” I gasp slightly. Now that forces me to feel something. 300 years? Alone? What the hell happened to him to make him become this?

“How have you...stayed alive?” 

“I don’t know. I woke up after a Dalek shot me, and I haven’t been able to die since.” He states, unable to look me in the eye. Finally, he looks up, making me jump. “And that’s how it’s been for 300 years. Alone. Never able to stay in one place, never looking back. Because I can’t.” 

“Why not?” I deadpan, because here comes the bullshit excuse that makes his behaviour acceptable.

“Because everyone I love dies, and I have to keep moving. Keep living on, because I have no other choice.” He refuses to break eye-contact. “So you’d understand why I’ve become who I am, because, if I’m not, then I won’t ever stop crying, especially for you.” I roll my eyes, and he scoffs. “You were the love of my life, and it was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me when you left.”

“So you forgot me? You left me behind and then just forgot me?” I see Ianto staring at us, obviously trying to work out what’s happening. This must be the strangest thing ever to someone who doesn’t know the backstory. Jack sighs, running his hands through his hair and groaning. “Is that who you’ve become? So scared of loving anyone that you just forget us? You become a heartless monster because you don’t want to face up to your feelings?” I meet his eyes, taking his hand in mine, and I can feel the electricity again, stronger than ever. Finally, I feel something more than anger. But it feels...wrong. Toxic. He tries to pull away, but I just grip even more. “You can’t fight this, no matter how hard you try.” For a moment, just a moment, he looks just like he did when I first met, so young, so little having happened to him. Like he’s happy. But then it’s gone, and he’s pushing me hard into the kitchen counter. I stand back up straight, gripping my side, and his eyes are cold. Unrecognisable.

“You can stay tonight. After that, you leave and you don’t come back. Or I will kill you.” He walks off, leaving me leaning against the counter, trembling. I feel a hand on my back, and I spin around, fighting off tears, but not emotional tears. Whatever I landed on fucking hurt. Ianto stands there, worry in his tired eyes.

“He sounds so much like Master.” I say, resting my head on his shoulder while he hugs me tight, and a tear drips down. “What the hell happened to him?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Please leave feedback, it's greatly appreciated :)

I lay down on a metal bench, Ianto cleaning the wound. Because I’m the luckiest person in the world, I managed to land on a knife which was sticking out on the counter, which is why it was so painful it brought me to tears. But, thinking back, maybe it was the fact that he hit me, making me remember everything that happened even though I tried so hard to forget. I don’t even know anymore, and it’s incredibly frustrating. I wince as he lays a wet cloth down on it.

“Sorry, I have to draw out any bacteria, I don’t know how long that knife had been out.” He tells me, putting a pillow under my head, which I am so grateful for. Metal has the tendency to hurt the head. “Can I ask you something? It’s fine if you don’t want to say, I’m just curious.” His eyes scan my body, staring at all the scars on my stomach and arms. I feel strangely...exposed. Something that goes beyond my bare stomach. I nod, picking at a piece of loose thread on my jeans. “What did you mean by Master? Who is that?” I bite my lip, tasting blood. Watching him take the cloth off, I groan.

“6 years ago, maybe 7, I was taken from my room back in my time.” I tell him carefully, trying not to panic. I have no idea what I’m like when I’m talking about this now. I need to be careful. “It was this man, he made me call him Master, I have no idea what his actual name was. I was with him for like 5 years, being tortured and...abused to say the least.” He looks down at his feet, unable to meet my eyes. “Jack and the Doctor got me out, and I was happy, travelling with them. Oh the places we went, the things we saw.” 

“Why didn’t you stay? If it was as good as you said it was, why did you come back, because he said you left?” He asks, playing with the skin around his fingernails. 

“I didn’t. I mean, I didn’t come back to this time, I returned home, the year 2020.” He almost breaks his neck looking up at me, but my mind turns back to what he just said.  _ “He said you left.”  _ He knows I didn’t leave, so why did he say that? I shake my head, ignoring it. It was probably that the Doctor told him I left. He’d probably do that, knowing him.

“What, you’re from the future?!” I nod, smirking.

“Right now, there’s another me out there, only 4 years old. Small and innocent, just living her life.” He smiles slightly. “But it wasn’t my choice to go home. Jack lied to me, saying I could go with them instead of going home. But he left me behind, not even saying goodbye, no warning, nothing.” I clear my throat and sit up, gently smoothing down the gauze dressing Ianto placed over the cut. “I decided I couldn’t stay there, I wasn’t the same person that left, so I decided to travel back in time to start over again.” 

“What did you do? I mean, before you came here.”

“I travelled the world, helping people wherever I could. Just like I wished someone would help me all those years ago.” Ianto smiles, leaning against the desk. It’s probably best to leave out the part that I was only doing it so I could feel something. “But, tell me...what happened to him?” I ask, and he shrugs, frowning.

“I don’t know. He’s never spoken about his life before Torchwood. I didn’t even know he couldn’t die until he told you that he was alone for 300 years.” God, 300 years. It still shocks me, even an hour later. 300 years on his own, and what has he become? I don’t even recognise him. Even touching him feels different, like it’s...toxic.  _ Something  _ must have happened to make him like this. I’ve just got to find out what.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy, and leave feedback :)  
> Stay safe out there!  
> Just letting you know, there's only one more chapter out tonight, the next ones should be out tomorrow :)

“It’s time for you to leave.” I wake up to Jack standing above me, my heart pounding, and his eyes glazed over like he’s removed himself from his own feelings. His own mind. I groan, rubbing my eyes. It’s the first time I’ve dreamed about those 5 years in ages, and I’m covered in sweat. God, I stink. “You can shower, but you don’t leave my sight. I can’t have you wandering about this place, you could be dangerous.” I scoff, standing up to face him, my nose inches from his.

“There was a time when you trusted me with your life.” I say, my voice deep and low. I almost sound like the Doctor when I knew him. God knows what’s happened to him now, as well as Rose. God, I didn’t even ask about Rose. He steps back before leading me to the showers, my bag in his hands.

“I looked through this, by the way.” I stop, the door hitting me but the pain doesn’t even register. “It seems you have a thing for...causing pain.”

“What do you mean? I’ve helped people, it’s all I’ve done for the past two years.” I deadpan, not even looking him in the eyes.

“With this…” He pulls my diary out of the bag, dropping the drawing onto the wet floor, “I managed to track where you’ve been over the past year.” He says it with such conviction like it’s supposed to mean something to me.

“So what?”

“So, you weren’t helping people on your travels, far from it. You were killing them.” I feel my legs go weak, and I lean against the wall, my head spinning. After a second, I step closer to him, digging my nails into my palms, trying to stay as calm as possible.

“I don’t know what your problem with me is recently, but whatever you’re trying to do, it’s not going to work. I’m not going to yell at you.” I’m sick of feeling angry. I wish I’d never come here and seen him again. I wish I was back in Russia, in the cold and snow, struggling to feel anything.

“Don’t play dumb with me, bitch. You murdered them all in cold blood, then moved on to the next village, the next town, the next country, the next continent. It was a year of murders, and you had the AUDACITY TO QUESTION MY MORALS!” He looks emotionless, even when he’s yelling at me. “You are a hypocrite, and you are a liar. You aren’t my Kasey.”

Even though I know in my heart I didn’t kill anyone, I can’t stop myself from being angry. Angry at myself for not remembering it clearly. I stare into his eyes, and I can’t stop myself from punching him hard in the face, causing him to fall back.

“I’m going to get my stuff, and I’m going to leave. Stay the hell away from me.” I growl, and walk out of the room, but I still catch the smile that spreads across Jack’s face as I grab my bag and leave. What the fuck is happening? I grab a bottle of pills out of my bag, which Ianto gave me to help with the pain, and down 3 of them, not caring about the consequences. I’ll doubt there’ll be any. I carry on walking out of this place until I’m hit in the face with rain, cooling my skin down immediately. I look out over the water, slamming my hand into the rail.

“Kasey? What’s wrong, what’s happened?” Ianto’s voice barely makes it through the sound of the rain, but his touch is warm, comforting as he puts an arm around me, rubbing my arm, supposedly to warm me up.

“I hit him. I actually hit him, Ianto.” I mumble, leaning against his chest. 

“Who, Jack?” He asks, and I simply nod, staring out over the water. I could just swim out to the middle and just sink, end this existence. There’s no point. Jack’s gone forever, I’ve lost him, and there’s nothing I can do to get him back. “Why’d you do that?”

“He kept saying that I killed people, those people I helped, and he said that I wasn’t the Kasey he knew.” I tell him, and he sighs, kissing my head.

“Listen, I know you know you didn’t kill those people, but I’m still going to tell you anyway. You didn’t kill any of them.” I look up at him, the rain hitting me in the eyes, and I smile.

“You know, the first time I saw you, I was just planning to fuck you and leave.” I tell him, and he laughs.

“What changed? I know that I’ve only gotten hotter.” I hit him gently in the chest, and he chuckles.

“You were actually a nice person, you look out for me. I don’t wanna ruin that.” I sigh, pulling away from his chest but not so much that he lets me go. “Why is he doing this, Yan?” I ask, my voice cracking slightly. Maybe this has gotten to me more than I thought it did. He was the love of my life, after all. Even the most uncaring person would be hurt at this. “I thought we were…” I can’t even finish the sentence without crying, so it’s easier to just stop talking.

“I don’t know, I really don't. Come on, let's get some food, you look hungry.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapters coming tomorrow! Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there :)

A plate of bacon, sausages, fried eggs and a hashbrown appears in front of me, the waiter smiling and winking at me. I look straight down at the food, ignoring him, and sigh. I know I should be hungry, but even thinking about chewing it makes me want to throw up. I pick up the fork, and move the food around, eventually sticking a chunk of hash brown in my mouth, chewing it as slowly as possible, feeling chills run through my jaw.

“I should have felt he was here, really, but I didn’t for some reason.” I say, covering my mouth with my hand in order to stop any food from spilling out. “See, the Doctor said that something was drawing us together, basically forcing us to be with each other, but I never found out what that meant, what or who was actually doing it.” Ianto looks up at me from his coffee, shock in his eyes.

“What, so what you’re saying is that the universe is drawing the two of you together?” He asks, and I nod. He scoffs, taking a gulp of his coffee. 

“Not exactly, but that’s the general gist of it. But I should have felt him, even his presence in Cardiff, I should have known he was here. I felt it all the time in the TARDIS, and it was gone when he left.”

“Maybe he’s just changed too much since you last saw him?” I shake my head.

“That would be too easy, but whatever they wanted us together for hasn’t happened yet.” I sigh, before looking around the restaurant. “He didn’t recognise me.” I whisper. “He barely looked at me until he wanted to kill me, then he knew who I was immediately.”

“So? What does that mean?” I wipe my face, staring at a grain of salt on the table, deep in thought.

“He was in such a hurry to get me out of that place, trying to get me to hate him, to leave him because there was no point in even trying. He even tried to get me to have a breakdown. Why would he do that? Why would he try to get a rise out of me? Why would he do that?” 

“Kasi, what the hell are you talking about?” I feel the colour leave my face, and my body turns numb as the realisation hits my body like a ton of bricks.

“I said it. I said it to you, do you remember? I told you, he sounded exactly like...” His eyes widen. “That’s not him, that’s not Jack.” 

“How, how can that not be Jack? He’s been exactly the same, until two nights ago when I did what I did, and that was a warranted reaction.” 

“No, no, no, think about it. I didn’t feel him, did I? He purposely tried to get me to have a breakdown, to make me hate him. Why would he do that?” I ask, and he stares at me. “That might be his body, but that’s not Jack in there. Did anything happen, like, that made him change suddenly, apart from, you know?”

“2 nights ago, when…I did what I did, he disappeared. I heard them talking when they got back, and they were asking Jack where he went. He wasn’t with them, so where were they?” His eyes flick around the entire cafe, trying to piece some sort of information together before leaning across the table, as pale as I feel. “He asked me to kill my own girlfriend, Kase. He wouldn’t do that, Jack wouldn’t do that. He’d look for a way to save her, even if there wasn’t one.” I grit my teeth together. “But the man you described would, wouldn’t he? That Master would?”

“Without even thinking.” I say, pushing the food in front of me away, resisting the urge to throw it on the floor and storm out. I need to keep calm, I need to let him think I don’t know, otherwise everything’s fucked. He won’t hesitate to kill me if he thinks his little game is ruined, I’ve seen it happen to other people who fucked him over, just not on this scale. This is ridiculous. “I can’t believe he’s back.”

“So what do we do?” He asks, but I ignore him. How am I meant to fight him? Can I just kill Jack, which would kill Master’s mind, and Jack would come back to life? I don’t even know if what he said about that is real, no one’s seen any proof, but that’s the only thing that I can think of to get rid of him permanently. Can I give Jack up to be rid of the Master forever? “Kasey, what do we do?” He asks again, and my head snaps up to face him, making him jump slightly.

“We’ve got to kill him.” He chuckles, shaking his head, but stops almost as soon as he started, his eyes widening in shock. “We’ve just got to hope that Jack is actually immortal.”

“And what if he’s not?” I shrug, leaning back in my chair.

“Jack’s going to die, then.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only chapter being put out today, sorry! I wrote it in a rush, so apologies if it's not that good! I was thinking of setting up a time for when new chapters are released, so maybe leave a comment suggesting some?  
> Please leave feedback, and hope you're all staying safe out there!  
> Enjoy! :)

“Kase, this is Gwen, Owen and Toshiko.” I stare at the three people before me. Gwen, a woman with beautiful black hair and dark eyes, smiles at me, as well as Tosh, with dark hair and with obvious Asian, maybe Japanese, descent. I look at Owen, and he simply nods at me. He’s quite attractive, his dark brown hair sitting close to his head, and some stubble appearing on his jaw, as well as a few cuts on his cheek. He’s surprisingly hot, especially with the stubble. “They’ve agreed to help us out with Jack.”

“We’ve agreed to help Jack, and her. Not you.” Owen states, and I stare at him. Even though it’s none of my business what happened here, I should say something, stop him from treating Ianto like that, but now’s not the time, and Ianto seems to understand that as his face doesn’t change, just raising his eyebrows at me. We need to focus, because this is fucking dangerous. “Right, what’s the plan?” We sit in a cafe in Newport to avoid being watched by anyone who may know Jack and tell him what’s happening. Precautions may be the only thing we have.

“First you need to understand who he is.” I say, and they all look at me confused. “This isn’t just a simple hijacking, where they’re trying to get information. This man is dangerous, and he sees Jack like the man who destroyed his life.” 

“How do you know all this?” Gwen asks, sipping her drink, and I look at Ianto, who nods. He obviously trusts these people, even if they don’t trust him.

“Because I was held captive by him for 5 years, being tortured and...hurt every single day.” They all look at each other nervously and I sigh, picking at my nail beds, leaning back in my chair. “He took everything from me, and, when the Doctor got me out of there, he would have blamed him. I don’t know, maybe he wasn’t expecting me to be sold or something, but, if he’s here, then he either wants me dead or he wants me back, and he will kill all of you to do it.”

“So, how do we get rid of him?” Tosh asks, busy typing away on her laptop. I have no idea what she’s typing, but I can tell she’s the computer nerd of the group. I assume Owen is the “tough-guy”, and, I don’t know, Gwen’s the emotional one I guess. Somehow this group is full of stereotypes, and yet they’re a lot more complicated than meets the eye. Do I really trust these people with this? I barely even know them, and they don’t even seem to trust Ianto, a member of their group. How do I know they won’t go back and tell ‘Jack’?

“I don’t know. I don’t even know how it happened in the first place, he was gone, I was fucking free.” I pick up my bag, slamming some money down on the table, and leave the cafe, my heart beating way too fast. I lean against the railings outside the cafe, breathing as deeply as I can. What if I can’t get Jack back? What if he’s taken the last good thing in my life, and I’m left alone, again? I can’t lose this too.

“You doing okay?” I feel a hand on my back, and I jump, turning to see Ianto, smiling gently. I take a step back as he goes in to hug me, and he takes the hint, his back leaning against the railing.

“I was fucking free, Ianto. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t fun, and it made me want to kill myself most of the time, but it was mine. He’s fucking taking it away, and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it.” I say, my voice flat. I can barely even muster up any emotion.

“Hey, he’s not taking anything away from you. We are going to get Jack back, and you will get your life back. You just have to be patient.” I sigh, and hear someone walk up behind us.

“Well, this looks cosy, don’t it?” I spin around to see Owen standing there, his arms crossed. “Can I have a minute alone with her?” Ianto looks down at me, and I nod, stepping away from him. 

“It’s fine, we’ll be in in a second.” I say, gently pushing him towards the door. Owen smirks at him before leaning on the railing, looking out over the town, not even looking at me until the door shuts and Ianto’s gone. He lights up a fag, taking a long drag before handing it to me. After a second, I quickly follow suit, savouring every second of it. “You know, I gave up smoking about a year ago.” I tell him, handing it back, and he laughs.

“Sorry about that, I guess.” I just chuckle, leaning against the rail too.

“Every second of it was hell, so you’ve done me a favour.” I run my hands through my hair, taking the unlit fag he offers me. “Did you want anything?” 

“I just wanted to say…I’m sorry for what happened to you.” I look up at him, almost dropping my fag as I light it. “What, is that a shocking thing to say?”

“It’s just...no one’s really said that before.” He stares at me in shock, not sure whether to laugh or hug me.

“Wait, what? Seriously?” 

“I mean, I got a lot of hugs and support from Jack, shit like that, but no one’s ever said that before. Means a lot.” I rest my hand on his shoulder, smiling. “Seriously, thank you.” 

“This must be hard for you, having to kill Jack to get him back.” I look down to see people walking around, simply living their lives, not having to deal with anything like this. I know people have hardships, like cancer in the family, or one of their loved ones passing away, but I really think that no one’s ever had to do this before. Either kill their loved one because the man who tortured them is inside, or let that man live inside their loved one because they can’t bear to kill the person they loved. Well, I hope no one else has had to deal with this.

“You gotta do what you gotta do, right?” I take another drag from my fag, holding it inside for a while before blowing it out slowly, feeling my heart start to slow down. “There’s two ways we can do this, and I’m not sure what one is best.” 

“What are the two ways? Because I’m a fan of just shooting him in the head, you know.” He chuckles, but I just roll my eyes, knocking my shoulder into his. 

“That is the first option, but the other is to wait it out, get some info out of him, find out what he’s doing and then kill him when he’s least expecting it.” He groans, turning towards me and pressing his lips together.

“Waiting it out would mean you getting close to him.” I nod, unable to look at him. I’ll have to touch him, get close to him, and maybe even pretend to get back with him. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to pretend like everything is normal while being alone with him. Maybe I could just focus on Jack’s face, but even that, even his eyes don’t really look like his. But is there another choice?

“I’ll just have to do that then.” I turn to him, throwing my fag away, and he sighs, staring me in the eyes. 

“Well, you won’t be alone this time.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoy this one! It took me a while to write this one as I couldn't quite get the tone, so apologies if it doesn't make sense at any point! (It did in my head!)  
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there! :)

I walk into the Hub, which is what the sci-fi base is called apparently, with Ianto beside me. I hear heavy footsteps and I turn to my left to see Jack marching towards us, an angry look on his face. Even though I know it’s not Jack in there, it’s hard to look at him and not be hurt by what he’s doing.

“I said she wasn’t meant to come back here!” He yells, but Ianto stands his ground, standing slightly in front of me. I hear chair wheels slide across the floor behind me, and I turn to see Owen standing up, watching us intently. If Jack, or whoever, tries anything, I’m protected. It’s fine. He can’t hurt me the way he did before. Even still, these past couple days have been fuelled by nightmares, and I feel exactly the same as I did when I first got out of there. I was so sure I would never see him again, yet here we are.

“Well, she’s my friend, and I’m allowed her here, so back off.” Ianto almost growls, and Jack stares at us, a smile suddenly appearing on his face. Even his eyes look different, somehow less blue, almost dull.

“Any trouble, and you’re both out of here. I’m not kidding.” He tells us before walking off, presumably up to his office. The smile on his face doesn’t disappear until he’s out of view. I look back at Owen, who shrugs and sits back down, gesturing for me to come over. I run my fingers through my hair, letting out a sigh of relief. He still thinks I think he’s Jack. The plan is to stay for about a week, getting close to him, before finally killing him. It’s not a well thought out plan, but it’s a start. I sit on the metal bench in medical, smiling at him. Even if this doesn’t work the way we want, I’ve at least made a friend. 

“So, how are we planning to do this?” He whispers while sliding his chair closer, his voice so low I can barely hear him. I lean forward, and bite my lip, Ianto sitting down next to me, putting his arm around me. 

“I want to hurt him. I want him to feel what I feel, I want him to feel my pain.” I whisper, gritting my teeth together. I know I should be disgusted by myself, that I should try and save Jack as soon as possible, but there’s something in me that wants to destroy him, to give him as much pain as I can. Am I changing into something, or is this just the part of me that was trapped with him coming to light? “Anyone got any ideas?” They both look at each other nervously, and Ianto sighs, running his hand through his hair.

“I guess, if he’s still in love with you, or wants to destroy you, make it seem like you’ve moved on from Jack.” Ianto whispers, and I look at him, disbelief in my eyes. But I haven’t. I’m still in love with him, no matter how hard I try to say I’m not.

“So, how the hell do I do that?” I ask, leaning against Ianto’s shoulder, and laughing, mainly to release some nervous energy. Owen stares at me confused while Ianto laughs along, seemingly understanding that we still need to put up a show. “I know absolutely no one here.”

“Well, he’d never believe you and me, so Owen’s our best bet.” I stare at him, and he winks, leaning back in his chair, a massive smile appearing on his face. For the first time in years, I laugh. Actually laugh. 

“I finally got the girl!” He exclaims, and I kick him in the leg, rolling my eyes. Could this actually work? We seem to actually be friends, so there’s chemistry there I guess. God, I didn’t know killing Jack would include so much shit. Good shit though. 

“Wait, so we’ve got to date?” I ask, my stomach dropping. I don’t even know if I can get close to anyone but Jack. I sigh deeply. This has to happen. I have to get Jack back, and this way seems to be the best of both worlds - I get him back  _ and  _ I hurt Master.

“Well, fake-date.” Owen clarifies.

“Right, you’re gonna need to ask her on a date in earshot, then you’re gonna have to pretend to be together whenever you’re in public, you have no idea who he’s got working for him.” Ianto states, and I sigh, nodding.

“Let’s get loved up, big boy.” I whisper to Owen, and he bursts out laughing. It feels good. I don’t think I’ve laughed like this for...well, years. I can’t let him take this away from me. We stand up, and I follow Ianto to his desk, sitting in Gwen’s chair behind him.

We stay there for a couple of hours, planning out the timetable for how this is going to go down, before Jack finally comes down from his office, entering the kitchen presumably to get a coffee. That means we only have a couple of minutes to pull this off. No pressure at all. I hear footsteps behind us, and we both spin around in our chairs to see Owen standing there, a small on his face.

“Can I see you for a sec, Kase?” He asks, and I look to Ianto, who nods. I stand up, suddenly feeling really ill. What if this goes wrong and Jack freaks out? Pushing it down, I follow him towards the sofa, which is in definite earshot of the kitchen, as I can hear Jack muttering from here. 

“Yeah?” I ask, forcing myself to look at Owen instead of Jack. He’s not even that unattractive. Sure, he looked better with stubble, so maybe I can persuade him to grow a beard. Maybe. 

“So, I was wondering if you...wanted to go on a date. With me.” I stand there, my eyes widening, and my mouth opening in shock. Well, pretend shock. I hear something clattering in the kitchen, and I bite my lip. He’s heard.

“Erm, where would we go?” I ask, and he shrugs, stepping closer to me. It’s so hard not to laugh, and I can tell he’s also holding it back, biting his lip hard. 

“I was thinking the pub, you know, get a drink and a bite to eat.” I smile, breathing him in. He doesn’t even smell terrible, it’s like coffee and beer in one. Maybe this will be easier than I thought. This could work. 

“Okay, yeah, let’s go when you get off work.” He smiles, kissing me on the cheek before walking back down to his desk, the smile remaining on his face. I feel myself blushing, and I look around to see Jack staring at me, his face twisted in anger. Clearing my throat, I slump back down in my chair, Ianto knocking his shoulder into me, winking. Guess we did a good job.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are probably going to be a few chapters out today as I've hurt my leg and can't leave my bed.  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there!

“So, where are you from?” Owen asks, taking a sip of his drink. The sounds of the pub fills my ears as I search the room. Jack doesn’t seem to be here yet, despite the fact we’ve been here for over 2 hours. It was slightly awkward at first, finding something to talk about, but we eventually got into a groove. It’s a lot easier than I thought it would be.

“Well, I’m from this tiny council estate in the middle of nowhere, which was fun growing up. How about you? How did a London boy end up in Cardiff?” I tell him, and he licks his lips, getting rid of the stray ketchup. 

“Ah, I was obviously born in London and moved down here when my fiance died.” I almost drop my glass as I stare at him. “Needed a fresh start, and Jack was there to give me a purpose.”

“I’m so sorry. Do you wanna talk about her or…” I trail off, unsure of what to say. By just looking at him, you would have no idea he’d been through something so horrible. He shakes his head, taking another sip of his drink and pushing his empty plate away.

“Nah, maybe another time. So, you had a good time?” He asks, and I nod, gulping the last of my beer down.

“Surprisingly, yes.” I tell him, standing up alongside him.

“Surprisingly? Why is it surprising?” He asks, laughing. I roll my eyes, sliding my coat on. I wear a nude skater dress with my normal black boots. Don’t want to change my look up too much - I don’t care enough.

“You know what I mean. You’re actually a pretty good guy.” I chuckle, leaning against him slightly as we walk out of the pub. I think I’ve drunk more than I thought. His arm wraps around me, the cold air hitting us hard. 

“And you’re a beautiful woman. See, we can both do compliments.” We stop once we reach the car, and I can’t stop myself from blushing. I have no idea why - I don’t actually like him like that. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to public affection. But I’m not even lying when I say I had a good time. He stands in front of me as I lean against the bonnet, his hands resting on my waist. I look to the side to see someone standing in a dark alley, watching us closely. Jack. Time to get this show on the road. I tap him gently, nodding to where Jack is, and he quickly glances over, taking a deep breath.

“What time you gotta be up in the morning?” I ask quietly, and he smirks.

“Not early.” He slowly leans in. “Why, you wanna take me home?” I hit him in the chest, laughing, and his lips brush against mine, his hot breath warming my face up.

“We’d have to go back to yours as I technically don’t have a home.” I wrap my arms around his neck. Everything about this seems wrong, but I still press my lips against his, closing my eyes and thinking about Jack when we were on the TARDIS. How the fuck could everything go wrong so quickly? I pull back slightly, and Owen smiles gently.

“Come on, let’s get home.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one isn't very good - I struggled to get the tone right.  
> Please enjoy, and please leave feedback! :)  
> Stay safe out there!

We walk into his flat, finally sobering up a bit, and it’s painful. When I was pissed, it was a lot easier to go along with this show, to forget why we’re doing this and just pretend it was a normal date. But now the sense of impending doom from what we’re doing is almost too hard to even think about. I look up at Owen, who sighs as he shuts the door. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, putting his arm around my shoulders, but, before I can say anything, someone clearing their throat distracts us. I look over to see Gwen and Ianto standing there, their eyebrows raised.

“I take it you both had a good time?” Gwen asks, and we both nod, Owen looking down at me and smiling. I slightly smile in return, before looking over at Ianto.

“Did he see you both?” Ianto asks, handing us each a beer as we walk further into the apartment.

“He definitely saw us in the car park.” Owen mutters, and I roll my eyes, chuckling slightly. “Yes, yes he saw us.” He says louder, and Ianto scoffs as I sink into the sofa, downing half my beer almost immediately.

“Right, now we move onto phase two.” Tosh states, typing away on a laptop. God, I know she’s a computer nerd, but does she always have to be on a computer?

“What the fuck is phase two?” I ask.

“Jack’s probably going to try and split you two up now, and we need you two to stay together to work out what he’s trying to do.” I clear my throat, sitting up.

“He’s trying to destroy my life, we know what he’s doing. But we’re looking for the best opportunity to kill him, so how the hell will this help?” I almost shout, slamming my beer down on the coffee table.

“What do we do?” Owen asks, his hand gripping my shoulder.

“You don’t fall for his tricks. If we can destroy his strategy, then maybe we can find him at his most vulnerable.” Tosh tells us. It makes sense, but it still feels ridiculous. I didn’t really expect it to go on for longer than a couple of days.

“That sound good?” Owen asks, and I sigh, nodding and closing my eyes, resting my head on the back of the sofa.

When I open them again, the sunlight is blinding me. I sit up straight, suddenly realising that I’m still on the sofa with a blanket draped over me, and Owen is sitting on the other side, still asleep. I sit up properly, making sure not to disturb him as I move the blanket off me. Running my hands through my hair, which is now slightly greasy, I look around to see empty pizza boxes. Did I eat any of it?

“Oh hey, you’re up.” Owen suddenly groans. I look over to him, rubbing my head as a pointless effort to get rid of my pounding headache.

“What the hell happened?” I ask, and he shrugs, rubbing his head.

“I have no idea either.” I sigh, standing up and immediately sitting back down again, my stomach churning. “Oh shit, we’re late.” I look at his phone to see it’s half 6. 

“I still gotta shower, and I’ve got no clothes here.” A smirk appears on his face as we both finally stand up, my stomach finally settled enough to move. He walks over to me, picking up the blanket and draping it over the back of the sofa.

“You could always wear that dress again, that would certainly annoy him.” He says, and I roll my eyes. I mean, I don’t have any choice - all my clothes are at Ianto’s, and I don’t have time to get there.

“Fine, but I’m gonna have a quick shower, I feel disgusting.” I tell him, making my way over to the bathroom, barely able to walk straight. God, I haven’t been hungover for at least a year, and I forgot how miserable it is.

“Hurry up, Kase, we have a job to do.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you enjoy this one! The next few will be coming out tonight, I believe, so be sure to look out for them!  
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there! :)

The football plays on the computer in front of us as I sit on a chair next to him, my head on his shoulder, and his hand on my knee. Even though we are actually good friends, it still feels unnatural to be touching him like this. But it’s worth it - Jack’s been incredibly hostile to us both, telling us what’s wrong with the other. We sit laughing, and just talk, which is more than I’ve done since Jack left me behind. That’s probably going to be the first thing I ask when I get him back - why the hell did he leave me behind?

“Kasey, can I see you in my office for a minute?” I hear Jack say just as Owen feeds me some chips. I cover my mouth, laughing, and sigh, nodding. 

“Yeah, course.” I manage to get out between my chewing. I stand up, raising my eyebrow at Owen, who holds my hand until the last possible moment. I follow Jack up to his office, pulling my hoodie tighter around my body. We’ve been pretending to be dating for about 2 weeks, which is actually quite useful considering that the heat went out yesterday, so I have him to keep me warm, I guess. The glass door almost slams shut behind me as Jack slumps down in his office chair, his eyes fixed on me. 

“I’ve noticed that you and Owen are...together.” He says, and I smile, nodding. This could be it. “How’s it going?”

“Well, it’s not as good as when we were together, but it’s going okay.” A small smile crosses over his face before he quickly replaces it with a blank look. “Is this what you wanted to see me about?” I ask, and he shakes his head as I sit down in the chair opposite his desk. My hands are the sweatiest they’ve been in months, and I have to dig my nails into my palm to stop them from shaking. Even when it’s Jack’s body, Master still has a way to make the eyes cold and unforgiving. 

“Seeing as you’re spending so much time here, I was wondering if you wanted a job. You’ve grown quite attached to everyone, so it would be nice to have you on the team.” He smiles, and my heart stops. Shit. 

“I mean, I’ve had no training.” I manage to blurt out, and he shrugs, standing up and sitting on the desk in front of me. Even being this close to him makes my stomach churn.

“That’s fine, you can learn on the job. Come on, say yes.” He tells me, moving a strand of hair out of my face. If I play this right, I can get him trusting me. Or I can ruin the whole thing. I move my head in the direction of his hand slightly, before clearing my throat, which causes that same smile to appear on his face. All I want is for him to be Jack, at least for a minute or two. I just want to hug him, for him to tell me what to do. 

“Okay, yeah, why not?” I bite my lip as he leans forward. 

“Can I ask you something?” He asks, and I nod, my stomach dropping. “Do you miss me?” I resist looking over at Owen for help, so I instead stand up, getting as close to him as possible without being sick in his face. Owen can’t even see us. He could kill me right now and no one would know to come to my rescue. 

“I can’t lie, I do. I miss just...being with you.” His eyes search mine, and I see a flash of something in his. Is it...emotion? No, it can’t be. “Do you miss me?” I ask quietly, scared of the answer, even though I know he has to keep up the pretence of being Jack. He can’t give himself away. Or can he?

“I think of you every single moment of my life, Abs. When I’m awake, when I’m asleep. You were the light of my life. I miss you with every cell of my body.” He whispers, his hot breath on my face. I know what he wants me to do, but I don’t know if I can do it. I think of Owen, and lean into kiss Jack, who gently kisses me back before clearing his throat and sitting back down in his office chair, a massive smile on his face. It’s only when I look at him confused that the smile falls away. He’s realised his mistake. 

“Abs?” I ask, and he clears his throat.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” I quickly leave, rushing back down to Owen, who looks up at me confused.

“We have to leave.” I look back up at his office to see him watching me, an angry look on his face. He knows I know.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next 3 or 4 chapters are all part of the same 'scene', but I believed that it would be a lot easier to read if I split them up.  
> I hope you enjoy, and please leave feedback! :)  
> Stay safe out there!

“Right, we go in slow, we don’t know if he’s mounted any defences.” I say, zipping up my jacket. Ianto, very kindly, made us some new outfits, which are apparently made out of this material which can shield our minds to a certain degree, stopping him from potentially hijacking us too, which would honestly be my worst nightmare. I’m not sure that it’s bullshit, but it’s worth a try, at least. We couldn’t wait too long, otherwise who knows what he would have been capable of. At least, this way, we’re catching him at his weakest, compared to what would have happened. I grip the small handgun which Tosh managed to get a hold of for me, and a knife sits in the side of my boot, as well storing one in the sleeve of my jacket, and one in the back of my waistband. Prepared for anything, me. After nodding to each other, I push the door to the office open, watching as it moves the glass and wood splinters out of the way. “So he’s had some work done.” I watch as the others stand at the entrance to the Hub when Owen turns to me, a worried look in his eyes as he pulls me to one side. The others start talking, putting round things on the door to the entrance to the hub. 

“Listen, I know that everything we did was fake, and I know you’ll be going back to Jack once this is over, but you’re still my best friend, okay? I still care about you.” He tells me, unable to look me in the eyes for some reason. “So, be careful. I don’t think I’d forgive myself” I put my hand on his face, forcing him to look at me, and I give him a soft smile. Even though I remember my life before, I’ve never had a best friend, not really. I’ve always been on my own. Even though I will definitely go back to Jack, it’s nice to know that I have someone else, someone ready to support me through anything.

“Only if you’re careful.” I tell him, and he smiles, rolling his eyes and pulling me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. I close my eyes, feeling so relaxed despite what’s about to happen. 

“I’m serious. Swear to me you’ll survive this.” His voice is deep, and he’s more serious than I’ve ever heard him, and I breath him in. 

“Fine, but I’ll only promise if you also promise to survive.” I tell him, and I feel him chuckle.

“I promise. We’ll survive together.” He smiles down at me, 

“Right, you two, we’re ready.” Ianto says, smiling at Owen.

“What the hell happened here?” I hear Tosh ask on the comms as we rejoin the other two, who are standing by the newly opened door with their guns drawn. Slowly, but surely, we walk down into the hub, moving as quietly as physically possible. Tosh shuts down all the CCTV in our path so we at least have some element of surprise on him. We’ve got to have every advantage possible. My hands, which are coated in sweat, were completely fine until I see the cog, and now they shake violently.

“Tosh, we’re here.” Ianto whispers, and nods at the three of us as Tosh manages to open the door without the sirens going off. While it does still make noise, it’s a lot less than it would without Tosh on the other side. Guess there is a reason she’s on her laptop or computer all the time. But all this is made redundant with the fact that Jack is standing on the stairs which lead up to his office covered in blood and holding a large cleaver, which is also dripping in blood. A sickening grin appears on his face as we all walk in, myself leading the charge and Owen standing right behind me. I point my gun at him, which is quite hard with the sweat and my hands still shaking violently, if not more. It would be so easy to just shoot him in the head and be done with it, but that would mean killing Jack, the man who helped me so much when I was originally freed. He helped me to become me again, and not lose myself in despair and anger.

“It’s so nice to finally be properly introduced while I look like this, Abigail” My whole body tenses up at the use of that name. It doesn’t even sound like Jack anymore. His face is Jack’s, sure, but also looks like a completely different person with the way he moves and uses it, even when he was pretending to be Jack. He’s transformed it into his own body. Even the voice, which used to be this beautiful American accent has now simply turned into a mixture of English and American. He’s close to taking his body over completely, and I don’t know if there’s any of Jack left in there.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! There's going to be two more chapters tonight, so you won't have to wait long to find out!  
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there!

“Get out of him. Now” I state, my teeth pressed together, trying my best to stay calm. I don’t want to kill him, even if he’ll come back to life. I’m still killing him. But will he? Is that just a lie created to stop me getting rid of him? “Do you hear me? You can either leave his body and carry on living, or I swear, I will just kill you.” I tell him, my voice getting louder with each word and my hands starting to settle down despite the sweat still coating them. I hear Owen readjust behind me, and my breathing gets more steady. Even if I can’t kill him, there are 3 other people in the room who are willing to do so. This will work out. But, even while I seem to be in better control of my body, I still can’t shake the terror he puts in me. Even being this close to him makes me want to throw up. God, why did I think I could do this? I should have walked away. I should have  _ ran _ away.

“Oh, not yet. You haven’t even opened the gift I got for you, to make up for letting you go all those years ago.” He points to the wall above us, and I turn around, and I almost fall over, the rail next to me stopping me from going into the water. Even Owen seems to be grossed out as his gun clatters to the floor, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. On the wall are 8 people, 4 couples it looks like by the wedding rings on all their fingers, each one covered in blood from head to toe, their eyes lifeless but still watching me, blaming me for not acting sooner, for not saving them. And they’re right. If I didn’t try to punish him, these people would still be alive, living their lives. Even though I didn’t physically kill them, it was still my fault. I caused this.

“Who are they?” I ask, my stomach churning. I glance over at Ianto, whose gun is also now on the floor, being held by a random man, exactly the same as Gwen with their hands cuffed behind their backs. But Owen’s lying on the floor, blood dripping from his head, and a man standing over him with blank eyes, holding a large metal pipe. I rush over, shooting the man who hit him in the stomach, and I throw my gun on the floor as I kneel beside him. I lift his body into my lap, making sure I’m still facing Jack. “Owen, Owen, come on, wake up.” I whisper, slapping his face gently, but there’s no response except for the shallow breaths he’s taking. “What the fuck did you do?!” I scream at Jack, which seems to get Owen to wake up as his eyelids flutter open, focused on my face. 

“Well, obviously, he needed to be punished.” Jack simply states, and my head snaps back up to him, and he laughs. “He took you away from Jack, well, me, and that couldn’t be allowed.”

“You tried to kill him because we were together?” I ask breathlessly, and he nods. I look back down at Owen, who’s got tears rolling from his eyes and down onto my lap, which is also now covered in his blood. 

“Oh no, he’ll definitely die, he’ll just suffer for a few minutes.” I stand up, gripping my gun tightly in my hand, the fear completely gone with anger taking over. Why can’t I kill him, though? He’s killed Owen. Well, he will kill Owen. It would be so easy. He walks over to me, and I instinctively take a step back, my body on fire. Memories of everything he did flood into my head, causing me to double over in pain. I didn’t realise how much I had forgotten until now, how much I refused to even remember because it was too painful. Maybe that’s why I’ve managed to have a somewhat functional life, numb of any emotion. Because I refused to remember. I look back at Owen, who’s still on the ground, trying to sit up but he’s barely even moving, his eyes focused on me and tears streaming down his face.  _ “I’m sorry.” _ I mouth to him, and the realization must set in as he starts whispering no, getting louder and louder with each word. I’ve got to save them. No one else should die because of me, because I wanted to try and hurt him.

“You can have me. Just let them go.” I say, stepping forward. He laughs, coming down to face me, standing just an inch from me. The smell of blood coming off his body almost makes me vomit. “You can do anything you want to me, I won’t fight you ever again, but just let me save him, please. I’m begging you.” I feel like being sick, like I want my whole body to just collapse and end this. But I can’t. I won’t. I can’t let him die. It was my fault this happened in the first place. If I had just killed him, Owen would still be alive, not be in any pain. I hear Owen saying something behind me, but I clench my free hand into a fist, refusing to look at him, because I’ll never be able to leave. “Just let me save him.” I almost whisper. Gwen and Ianto scream at me, but I ignore it. They have no idea what this feels like.

“I don’t want you like this, Abigail. Don’t you understand? I know that, as long as these people are alive, you will never stop fighting to get back to them. So, I’m going to let him die, and you won’t be able to do anything about it, and then you’ll leave with me once I’ve killed the other three. My beautiful wife, forever and ever.” I bite my tongue, feeling the blood rush from my body and somewhere else. I can see my whole life before my eyes, a life with him, a life where Owen’s dead, and no one will be coming to save me. I can’t save him. He wants to kill him either way, and no one can reach him to get him the medical help he needs. He’ll die.

“You really think that after you’ve destroyed my life that I’ll still go with you? After you’ve let my best friend die?” I ask, standing up straight, the pain still in my head. I have to get through it though, because, if I get rid of him for good, I can get better properly instead of blocking it all out. I hear Owen stop moving, and I look back at him to see a shocked look on his face. 

“Yes. I do. Because I have this.” He holds up a small rectangular device with some sort of writing on the screen, but I can barely read it through the tears falling from my eyes. “A bomb. If you refuse to come with me, I’ll blow Cardiff up, taking you all with me.” I stare into his eyes, seeing his joy and pleasure in doing this. “Then, if that’s not enough, remember this place is sat on the rift.”

“No, no you can’t!” Owen yells, his speech slurred, and I look at him, seeing the panic in all their faces. “You’ll destroy the entire world!” I suddenly feel like I’m going to faint as my gun hits the ground, quickly followed by my knees and hands. 

“It’s you or the world, Abigail.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one stops so abruptly, but this was the best place to end this chapter!  
> Please enjoy, and leave feedback! :)  
> Stay safe out there!

“There’s nothing I can do. There’s never anything I can do, there’s never a choice, not for me!” I whisper, looking up at him. He stands over me like a parent stands over a small child who’s drawn on the wall, angry and expecting an apology.

“No! Kase, you can’t do this, please!” Owen says, his voice heavy with emotion but getting slower. He’s fading. “He’ll kill you!”

“Think I don’t know that?!” I shout, and his face falls. “Think I don’t know that you’re going to die, and there’s nothing I can do about that? But what the fuck can I do? Tell me, WHAT CAN I DO?” No answer. Of course. There’s never an answer. “It’s the world or me, Owen. There can’t be both.”

“You know what will happen if you don’t come with me, and you know that the world will be safe if you do.”

“What will happen to Jack?” I ask, my throat croaky and dry. I don’t even want to know the answer, really.

“Oh, I’ll stay in his body, of course, it’s already almost mine. But, I’ll tell you what, he must really love you despite you being in love with his best friend, because he’s still fighting, still breaking through for split seconds.” He suddenly grabs my face and pulls it close to his.

I stare into his eyes as he kneels down to meet me, putting his weapons on the floor next to him, and he’s right. Every few seconds, there’s a sparkle, like he’s fighting his way through, but it’s not enough. He can’t get through. “Because this is who you are, Abi. You make people fight for you, you force them into loving you, then you kill them, one way or another. They all die, all because of you.” I slam my hands into the floor as he throws me backwards slightly, unable to even hit him. There has to be another way to get out of this, there has to be. Maybe I can get Jack to break through long enough for me to kill him. Would that even work? Worth a try. I have to get to Owen.

“Jack, please. Please come back to me.” I plead, like something’s going to happen, somehow finding the strength to stand up. “Please, I’m begging you. I need you, come on, we all need you.” But nothing. Only his smile taunting me. “Who are you? I mean, what’s your name?” I ask, biting my lip, and he sighs, dropping his head. “I’m going to die anyway, so why not tell me?” 

“Gabriel. But you still call me Master, Abi.” Hold on. No, I missed it. What did I miss? I think back. Something so big, so huge, so important that it could change everything.  _ What did I miss? _ His smile. That wasn’t Jackson’s smile, not then. He’s breaking through. He knows what’s happening. I’ve got to get him out. I grab the end of my knife, which is hidden up my sleeve, and smile, stepping as close to him as possible.

“You see,  _ Gabriel _ , you made a mistake when taking Jack.” His eyebrows furrow.

“And what’s that? What mistake could I have possibly made, me, a fucking genius?” The confusion on his face suddenly changes to shock as I grab him by the hair and plunge the knife into his throat. 

“You assumed I still loved him.” I lower him to the floor, suddenly feeling an immeasurable amount of pain in the middle of my stomach. I look down to see a knife emerging, with a beautifully crafted handle, and I cry out, ripping it out. He pushes me away as hard as he can, causing me to fall through the handrails and into the water, smashing my head on the hard metal bottom, barely 2 meters away from Owen, who’s watching with tears in his eyes, but he’s not moving.

“I guess I’ll have to settle for watching you die before my eyes. I always knew it would be you who I would end up with. The one I would die for.” His gurgling voice voice fills the air. I stare over to him, the water turning hot, presumably from the blood flowing from my head and stomach.

“Fuck. You.” His eyes, his body, goes limp, staring at me. The Hub’s lights flicker, but they soon turn off completely, probably because of... I don’t even know. Fog blocks my mind, unable to think of anything of importance.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!  
> There is a possibility to leave it here just in case it gets too long, but let me know if you want to see more! I've got some ideas for where it's going to go in the future, including finishing the connection story line off, so please let me know!  
> Stay safe out there! :)

“I wasn’t fast enough.” I sob. No, no it can’t end like this. I can’t die at the hands of him. But what else can I do? I have nothing to live for. Gripping my stomach, I try to sit back up to say a proper goodbye to Owen, to kiss the top of his head, to let him know it’s okay, but all I end up doing is screaming in pain, collapsing back into the water, noticing how red it is. A river of blood. Now I’m not even next to his body.

“Tosh, get us the fuck out of here!” Gwen yells, but their voices simply become background noise.

The ceiling of the hub is so far up, and I’m so cold. So cold and alone. Not even any stars. I have no family in this time. Jack’s not here anymore, and Owen’s dead. I’m alone, and stuck, and dying. I saved the world, but I lost Owen and my life in the process. Was it even worth it? I close my eyes, tears rolling down my face and I see Jack.  _ We’re back in the TARDIS, in my room. The last time I was with him without any of this shit. He doesn’t say anything, only taking my face and staring into my eyes, a sad smile on his face. He then holds my waist, and starts dancing with me, and I wrap my arms around his neck as we sway together. _

_ “I’m dying Jack.” I say, my face buried in his shoulder. “I’ve lost everything.” He spins me around, and I land in his arms, looking up at him. “You’re dead, and Owen’s dead, and there’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do. I failed.” God, why won’t he say anything? “Jack, please, say something. Anything.” Still nothing. I sigh, feeling tears roll down my face, and I lean into him, trying to take everything about him into my body. “I’m going to die, and you’re not here.” All of a sudden, he pulls away, but still keeps a grip on my waist. _

_ “Hey, I will always be here. Even when you’re a million miles away, I will always be with you.” _

_ “I’m so sorry, this wasn’t meant to happen, I’m so sorry.” _

_ “Hey, hey!” He exclaims, pulling back slightly and staring into mine. “This wasn’t your fault. You fought as hard as you could. It’s okay.” _

_ “I don’t think I can carry on fighting, though. I’m tired, Jack. I can’t go on losing people.”  _

_ “Then let go.” I stare at him in shock, but I can already feel myself doing it as he holds me close, his strong arms wrapped around my cold body. “You deserve rest. Just let go, and you can rest forever.” _

_ “But you still won’t be there. I don’t want to leave you.” _

_ “Kase, we can stay here for life.” _


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to carry it on, but chapters may be coming a little slower as I've got a lot going on right now.  
> Hope you enjoy, and please leave feedback! :)  
> Stay safe out there!

A bright light shines into my eyes, and I slowly move my hand up, shielding them as they slowly open, pain going across my whole body. I look down at my stomach, gently touching it, to see a bandage wrapping the wound, which is only a dull ache. I have lines going into the tops of my hands, the needles covered in tape, and a pillow under my head, which is pounding. What the fuck happened? Why am I even here? I stare up at the ceiling, and something just hits me as...different. The lights look wrong, and it looks too clean. Did they have time to clean  _ everywhere  _ while I was out? 

“Why am I not dead?” I ask, my voice slow and quiet. Hearing movement next to me, I look over to see a young woman standing next to me, watching me carefully. A large smile spreads across her face when she sees me moving, and I simply stare up at her, confused.

“You’re finally awake. Can you tell me your name?” She asks, and it finally clicks in my head, causing me to sit up straight, my head pounding.

“Who the hell are you? How did you get in here?” I ask, but she just looks confused. “Where’s Ianto? Tosh? Gwen? Owen?” I ask, but again, she just stares at me confused.

“Who? I’m sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name.” She tells me, and my heart drops. What the fuck is happening? I look around the room, and suddenly realise that I’m not in Torchwood at all - this is a hospital, and the woman standing next to me is dressed in a nurses uniform.

“No, no, no, they were here after the attack, I saw them, so where are they?” I demand, the night before a haze. The last thing I remember is being stabbed.

“The doctor will be back soon, he’ll tell you what you want to know.” She says, but I just shake my head, ripping the wires out of my hands, forcing myself not to scream, and blood starts dripping down my fingers. 

I stand up, my whole body wanting to fall down and not get back up, but instead I land against the chair sitting next to the bed, gripping the soft material so tightly that I feel it rip. What the hell? I push myself away, my head spinning, and I stumble out of the room but my legs don’t move fast enough, and I end up on the floor, my chest feeling like someone’s pressing on it over and over again. I feel a hand on my arm pulling me up easily. I press my eyes shut, covering my face with my hands. I can barely even breath. The pain suddenly stops, and I breathe out gently, finally opening my eyes and looking up to see Jack standing across from me, shock in his eyes. I push myself back, landing against a wall.

“Kasey.” He states, his face pale. Is it actually him? Gabriel died, I watched him, I saw it. What if he transferred into another body? Would he even have the strength to do that? I eye up Jack with uncertainty.

“Is it actually you?” I ask, and he nods, confused but a big smile on his face as he pulls me into a tight hug.

“It’s me, I promise, it’s actually me. God, I’ve missed you so much.” He whispers, but I simply push him away, unable to even speak.

“Where am I? Where’s Owen? Ianto? Gwen?” I ask, but he just looks at me confused once again before looking down at the floor. 

“Kase, I’m so sorry.” He tells me, and I feel my stomach churning again, but I bite my tongue, forcing it down.

“What do you mean?” I ask, and he shakes his head, sadness in his eyes. “Jack, what the hell are you talking about?” He sighs nervously, gripping my arm and leading me back into the hospital room I was previously in, the nurse standing there with bandages and wipes at the ready for my hands.

“Ianto and Gwen are fine. But Owen…” Flashbacks to the night before hit me hard as I collapse into the bed, and my heart stops. “Owen didn’t make it.” 

“What, no, that’s impossible.” I say, but I know he’s telling him the truth. “How did you manage to save me and not him?”

“Because his injuries were too severe. The head trauma destroyed many parts of his brain. Even if we could get him back, he would have lived his life in a hospital bed.” I bite my lip hard, a tear rolling down my face. 

“It’s my fault. I did this.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you enjoy, and I should be posting the next couple of chapters tonight as I have nothing else to do, so be sure to look out for them!   
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there!

I sit in Jack’s office. It’s only been three days, but Jack managed to get them to release me, so I’ve been spending all my time in the hub, monitoring the missions but not being able to help. God, I hate being weak. Jack sits across from me, taking a sip of his coffee before setting it down, looking up at me, a small smile on his face.

“How you feeling? You coping okay?” He asks, and I shrug, my whole body aching. I could lie, but what’s the point? He is my designated carer, after all.

“Like shit.” I say, my voice croaky. All I want to do is sleep, but that’s all I’ve been doing recently, despite the fact that it’s littered with nightmares about those 5 years, about the battle, if you can even call it that.

“I meant about Owen.” He tells me, and I just roll my eyes, looking down at his workstation only to see Ianto and Gwen moving the last body. None of the random people Gabriel tied up made it - they were all dead before we even got there. It’s been stressful trying to find and tell their families what had happened to them, especially when they were only young. I say telling them what happened - Tosh told us to say that they were in a bus crash and didn’t make it. That’s another 8 people who have died because of me, not even including Owen. 

“I know what you meant, but I don’t want to talk about it.” I state, my voice low, trying my best to make it clear that I  _ really  _ don’t want to talk about it. He seems to get the message as he just clears his throat and smiles politely. Why is this so awkward? “Can I ask you something?” I’ve been dreading asking him since I woke up in the hospital, but I know that it’s only going to drive me crazy.

“Kase, you can ask me anything.” He says quietly, and I smile slightly, leaning back in my chair, moving carefully to avoid hurting my stomach.

“Why did you leave me behind? Did I do something wrong?” I ask quietly, and shock appears in his eyes. He eventually sighs, resting his head in his hands. 

“Before I say anything, I want you to know that it wasn’t my choice. I didn’t want you to go, but the Doctor didn’t give anyone a choice.” 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” I ask. I kind of figured that Jack didn’t have a choice, but why is he trying this hard to make sure I know it? 

“I’d just gotten back into the TARDIS when the Doctor took off, barely giving me time to close the door. When we were gone, he took me into your room, to pack up your stuff, and told me that he’d seen something in you - something dark and terrifying, according to him.” I stare at him, barely able to breath. Something dark? The only relatively dark thing I’ve ever done is kill Gabriel, and he deserved it. I don’t care what anyone says, he deserved to die. 

“So, why did he leave me behind? Why didn’t he help me find out what it was and help me get rid of it?” I ask, suddenly very angry, but not at Jack. The Doctor could have stopped all this from happening, but he didn’t. He didn’t even try to warn us that this was coming.

“Because, in his mind, if anything had happened while you were on the TARDIS, he’d have been responsible, and he didn’t want that.” I slam my hand down on the table, standing up too fast and my vision darkening. Sharp pains run through my body, but I ignore them, digging my fingernails into my palm, feeling the skin tear under the pressure.

“He didn’t want to be responsible? So he left me alone?!” I yell, trying to force myself to calm down, but it’s not working. Jack quickly stands up and walks over to me, holding my shoulders tightly. 

“I know it was hard, I know, I can’t even imagine what that was like, but you’re here now, it’s over.” I stop myself from pulling away, mainly because it feels so good to be touched by him again, and the connection seems stronger than ever. But there’s something inside me that just screams at me to run and hide. God, I really hope I haven’t become a coward.

“I’ll tell you what it was like. I was alone for 2 years, travelling the world trying to feel anything, and then I came here, and found you, but you weren’t really you, and you wanted to kill me. Then, when I’d finally made a proper friend, someone who truly cared about me, he was murdered, and it was my fault. So don’t say that it’s over, because I have lost  _ everything _ , and the only thing I have left in this world is you, and I have to do everything I can to protect that.” I blurt out, almost all at once, feeling like everything is coming to the surface. To be fair, this is the first time I’ve spoken to him properly since they left me behind. Jack simply looks down at me, not speaking a word. I simply sigh, wrapping my arms around him, my head resting against his chest. “I can’t lose you, too.” I pull away after a second, gripping his hand tightly. 

“I don’t even know what to say.” He quietly tells me, and I smile, rolling my eyes.

“Wow, I’m shocked.” I say sarcastically, and he chuckles.

“Oh, shut up!” He pulls me into a tight hug, kissing the top of my head gently. “You’re never going to lose me, Kasey, I promise you.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this one is most likely terrible, but I needed to put this one in there at the last minute in order to make the next chapter make sense in some way.  
> I really hope you enjoy this, and the next chapter will be coming out tomorrow. I have been losing motivation recently, so the next couple of plot points will be a little bit out there, but it should make sense within the story - I needed something to make me want to write!  
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there! :)

I stand in the middle of the Hub, quickly downing a couple pain meds as Jack slowly walks towards me from his office, a sombre look on his face. He wears a pitch-black suit, which strangely suits him a lot more than the coat, especially now. 

“You look amazing.” He tells me, his voice quiet. I give him a quick smile. I wear a simple black dress, which is covered in lace, as well as some heels, which are already killing me. God, I don’t even remember the last time I wore heels, but I know that I can’t wait to change back into my boots. My hair sits in a messy bun at the top of my head, and, honestly, it feels so good not having it touching my back. I’d forgotten how much I loved having short hair. 

“You ready to go?” I ask, and he nods, picking up a long black coat and handing it to me, as well as sliding on his normal coat. Oh well. Old habits die hard, I guess.

We walk out of the Hub hand in hand to see Gwen, Tosh and Ianto standing by the water tower, all similarly dressed in black. No words are spoken, and I simply embrace the silence instead of trying to fill it. While I’m not in the mood, I also feel incredibly sick. It may be the pills mixed with the whiskey I had earlier, but it’s probably because I really don’t want to do this. Even the thought of going to the graveyard makes me want to die. The rain falls hard on the ground as we all slide into the SUV. Despite the long drive to the graveyard, no one has said a word to each other, and it’s refreshing. I lie back in the car as the others get out, collecting the flowers and umbrellas, and I close my eyes, and I can’t seem to open them again.

“Kasey!” I look over at Jack, and suddenly realise that I’m standing over his grave with Jack gripping my hand tightly. 

“Sorry, I was just…” I start, but I can’t seem to find the words to finish that sentence off. I drop his hand, and walk down the path back towards the car. “I’ll see you back at the hub.” Being around people makes me want to vomit, even Jack. Even the man that I am pretty sure I'm in love with makes me feel sick right now.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this one! I'm not sure how many chapters will be out tonight, but there will definitely be another one out, so be sure to look out for that!  
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there! :)

I stumble up the cold, concrete steps, my head spinning, an almost empty bottle of vodka smashing against the wall as I try to catch myself. 

“Fuck!” I hiss, throwing the glass down the stairs and continuing up until I hit a large metal door. As I push it open, the breeze hits my legs, chilling me down to my bone, but I don’t seem to mind. God, I love being drunk sometimes. I stare up at the sky as I walk up to the edge, looking at each star. I never knew how beautiful the sky could be, especially after everything that happened. I lived up there for 5 years, 5 horrible years, and all that seems to have taken all the wonder from it. Even now, even though it is beautiful to look at, it’s horrible. It’s cold, unforgiving, cruel. But, despite everything, it’s beautiful. There’s still so much beauty and kindness out there, waiting to be discovered. It’s just a shame that I’m never going to see it. I look down at the edge, wondering what it would feel like to land after jumping. Would I even feel it, or would everything just suddenly stop, no pain at all? It would be so easy. I could just take another step and everything would be over. No more pain, no more loss, just...nothing. I wouldn’t have to feel like this anymore, I wouldn’t have to be scared that I’m going to lose something else all the time. I’d be free for the first time in a long time. Even the thought of it sounds amazing. I slide off my shoes, but the sound of footsteps behind me stops me from going any further.

“Kasey.” I spin around, my heart stopping. In front of me is Owen. He looks so healthy, so young. It’s like he’s glowing, his skin is just radiating warmth. 

“Guess I’m more pissed than I thought.” I mumble, looking away from him, but he just chuckles, not moving. 

“You haven’t changed.” He tells me, and I roll my eyes, moving the hair out of my eyes, but it just moves straight back. Sometimes, I really hate being outside. 

“Mate, I’ve changed a lot more than you could ever know.” I say, and he sighs, running his hand over his head. 

“Kase, it wasn’t your fault, you know.” My head snaps up, and I stare at him, barely able to even understand what he’s saying. “You blame yourself, and you shouldn’t. It wasn’t your fault in the slightest.” I walk up to him, digging my nails into my palm. 

“What the fuck is this? Why the fuck are you here, how are you here? You’re dead!” I say, incredibly angry and sad at the same time. “This isn’t fair, how is this fair?” He walks over to me, and immediately takes me into his arms, but I just push him away, and a look of hurt crosses his face as I look up to the sky. “Why did it have to be him?! Send me anyone else but him, come on!” I shout, a tear rolling down my face. I wait for an answer, but nothing comes. “Fine, I won’t kill myself, but get rid of him!” I shout, but, again, no answer, and he’s still here. 

“Kase, come on, talk to me, please.” He pleads, and I sigh, maintaining my distance. This can’t be him, he died. This is the perfect version of him that I’ve made in my head since he died. It’s not him. 

“What about, huh? About how shitty I feel all the time since I found out you died? About how angry I am at  _ everything _ because I didn’t get to say goodbye to you properly?” I say, and he looks down at the floor. “Because I’m struggling to live right now, okay? I can’t cope without you here, you were my best friend, and you’re dead!” I scream, pushing him hard, but he simply walks back over to me, barely 10cm away from me, his fingers moving the hair out of my face, and I just look up at him, tears streaming down my face. He looks so alive in the light from the moon and the street lamps below, which just makes me miss him even more. It even smells like him. “You’re dead, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“But you did!” He exclaims, holding my face in his hands and wiping the tears away with his thumb. “You gave me a purpose, some meaning in life that I don’t think I’ve had since my fiancee died, and I will always love you for that.” His voice is low and quiet, but I can somehow hear him perfectly over the wind and the cars going by on the ground. Like he is the only thing I can focus on, the only thing I can hear. I sigh as he presses his lips to my forehead, and it feels so  _ real.  _ It’s like I’m properly sober for the first time since he died, but I know that it’s because I’m  _ not _ sober that he’s here.

“I never thought I’d feel that again.” I whisper, chuckling, and he laughs. “I’m so tired of fighting, Owen. I’m tired of fighting to get back to a life that I don’t think I want anymore.” 

“I know, I know you are.” He pulls me into a tight hug, holding me as close to his body as he possibly can, and I just soak him in. I don’t know if I can let him go again. I don’t know if I’m ready to be alone again. Even though Jack’s back, he just doesn’t understand. “But you are so strong, you have gone through so much, and look where you ended up! You can get back to that again, I swear to you, but you have to keep fighting, you have to hold on. You have to hold on for a little longer than you think you can, because you will have a life that makes you happy.” I step back from him, letting his hand go immediately, feeling tears run down to my face. 

“I have to let you go, don’t I?” I ask, and he nods, smiling slightly. I grab my shoes and open the door back down onto the stairs, giving him one last look before leaving. I can’t say goodbye in any sense, not even a wave. I don’t think I’d be able to cope. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! I'm not entirely sure that a new chapter may come out tonight, but they're might be, depends on whether I can sleep or not.   
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there! :)

I walk into the hub, the cold air rapidly sobering me up, and, for the first time in...ages, I’m not looking to stop the process. I have to hold on, and getting drunk every minute of every day doesn’t count. But the piercing sirens and the red light going off makes me regret that decision immediately.

“What the fuck?” I mumble to myself, rushing over to Ianto’s computer and reading what’s on the screen. “Oh, shit!” 

“Oh shit indeed.” I spin around to see a tall man in a long brown coat standing about 5 meters away from me, his hands in his pockets and a large smile on his face, but his eyes are still full of worry. Why do I recognise those eyes? I’m positive I’ve never seen them before, but there’s still something about them.

“Who the hell are you?” I ask. I don’t even have the energy to raise my voice. The panic from this is taking it all up. “Be warned, I’m really not in the mood for bullshit.”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry! I regenerated a while ago, I keep forgetting people may not recognise me!” He exclaims slowly walking over to me, and I just stare at him confused.

“Are those words supposed to make any sense to me?” He chuckles. “Seriously man, just tell me who you are so I can get on with this.” 

“Oh, right, I’m the Doctor.” He tells me, and I roll my eyes, sitting down in Ianto’s chair and giving them all a quick text. There is no way I’m dealing with this on my own.

“Sure you are, and I’m Noel Fielding.” I laugh to myself, finally looking up at him, and he just stares at me. “Wait, seriously?” I ask, and he nods, smiling.

“We got you out of the slave trade with a man you called Master, and you stayed on the TARDIS until, when we took you home, I left you there the second Jack into the TARDIS.” He tells me, and I just stare up at him. There’s a very real possibility that Jack just told him all that to get to me or something, but there’s something about him that just seems very...believable. Maybe it’s the eyes - they’re a completely different colour to what they were when I last saw him, but they’re still  _ his.  _ Fuck it. Why not believe him, what do I have to lose?

“How the hell did you change your face?” I ask laughing as I hug him. Again, I can’t be bothered to argue with him or ask why he did what he did. That’s a conversation for another day.

“The real question is what’s set these alarms off?” He asks, leaning down to reach the computer and starts typing rapidly. I hear the cog open, and Jack and Gwen run in, still in their funeral clothes, and they both immediately sit at a computer and start typing. God, I feel so dumb around these people. I know I’m not, I know it’s only because I haven’t learnt how to use the computers properly yet. But the feeling is still there.

“Get Ianto and Tosh here now!” Jack yells, running down to his office, and I just look down at the Doctor, waiting for an explanation, but he just shrugs. Either he knows, and doesn’t want to be the one to tell me, or he genuinely doesn’t know. I suspect the former. 

“Gwen, what’s going on?” I ask, and she gives me a quick look before turning her head back to the monitor.

“You remember those bombs Gabriel put under Cardiff? They’re still there, and the stasis is starting to break down.” I know that should tell me all I need to know, but I’m still not getting it. Again, I just feel so dumb.

“And what does that mean?”

“It means that they could go off any minute.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short, I promise the next one will be longer!  
> Please leave feedback, and stay safe out there! :)

I sit at Jack’s desk, staring at the laptop while the Doctor paces around the room, biting at his nails. Normally, Tosh would be the one back here, guiding everyone, but Jack still won’t let me go on any field missions just in case I hurt myself again. It’s annoying, but I get where he’s coming from. I look at each of their body cams, and look at their position on the map compared to where the bombs are. Well, where the first two bombs are. There’s still another two around 15 miles away from these two. Hopefully we still have a few hours before those go off.

“Tosh, Gwen, you should reach it in about a minute, it’ll be on your left down a small corridor.” I tell them, instinctively reaching for the usual glass of whiskey I have, but I quickly realise it’s not there. A massive part of me wants to get up a pour one, but I force myself to stay down. Getting sober won’t work if I’m getting drunk again. “Jack, Ianto, you’re about 5 minutes away, keep going straight then go left at the third turning.” I tell them, the Doctor looking over at me and smiling weakly. I don’t really understand what he’s so worried about - they’ll be absolutely fine. They’re literally trained for things like this.

“Are you sure it’s up here, Kasey?” I hear Gwen ask, and I look at the map again.

“Well, it should be right in front of you.” I say, but I don’t get an answer. I look over at the Doctor, who is still pacing. “Gwen?” I ask, but, again, there’s no answer.

“Is everything alright on your end?” Ianto asks, and I sigh, running my hand through my hair. They’re still exactly where they were, but there’s no answer. Maybe there’s some interference?

“I think so. I can’t get an answer from Gwen, but…” I trail off, my eyes locked on the screen.

“But what?” Jack asks. 

“They just disappeared. They were just there.” I say, my voice barely audible. The Doctor rushes to my side, and his mouth opens in shock.

“Jack, Ianto, get the hell out of there!” He yells, and I jump, staring at their dots, but they also disappear just as fast.

“Jack!” I ask, but there’s no answer. “Jack, come on, talk to me!” Again, no answer. What the hell is going on? “How can four people just disappear?!” I exclaim. 

“Something, or someone, has cut the signal.” He almost whispers. 

“But why the hell would they do that?” Why would they take 4 people trying to save the world? It makes no sense. The only person who would do that is Gabriel, and he is definitely dead. I’m sure of it. There is no way on earth that he is alive, I am completely sure of that. 

“I have no idea. But we need to find them now.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry for not posting in the last few days, I took a surprise break, but I should be back now! I will try my best to get the rest of the chapters out, but please don't worry if I don't post for a few days, I'm trying my best.  
> Hope you enjoy, and please leave feedback, it's greatly appreciated! :)  
> Stay safe out there!

I sit in the TARDIS, watching the Doctor playing with some controls.

“Right, I think we can use the connection between you and Jack to find them. Well, Jack at least.” The Doctor tells me, and it takes every bone in my body not to roll my eyes at him. It’s been incredibly hard not to shout at him, or to ask him what he saw in my future that he didn’t want to be responsible for, but I know that now isn’t the right time. Any argument that would happen between us, because I know there’s definitely going to be one, would just distract us from finding the team. “Can you put these onto your temples please?” He asks, handing me two small white circles connected to a lot of wires, which all lead back into the console. 

“This better not hurt.” I state, gently placing them on.

“Compared to what you’ve been through, these will be a cat scratch.” I stare at him. I know he doesn’t mean it in a cruel way, but it still hurts. 

“Cat scratches still hurt, you know.” He scoffs, flicking a switch on the console, and, he’s right, it’s not as bad as anything else previously, but it’s still painful. It’s uncomfortable, but not so bad that I can’t deal with it for a little bit. Just like a particularly bad headache, like the one you get when you wake up in a hot room.

“I need you to focus on Jack, on the connection.” I close my eyes, thinking of his face in as much detail as possible. Surprisingly, it’s not hard. I usually struggle with faces, especially those I see every day. But I can remember everything about Jack’s. The small imperfections of his skin, the way his chin dents slightly. I think about our time on the TARDIS, about the first time I actually saw him after everything, and how happy I was to see him. I hear the TARDIS moving, and it’s hard to keep focus. I think about the moment I first saw him, and the draw I felt to him, no matter how much I tried to deny it. I think about how he helped me without asking for anything in return, about how he tried so hard to keep me safe even though he didn’t really know me. I think about the connection, about how it felt. I refuse to lose him. Not again. “We’re here.” I open my eyes, and look over to the doors. Whatever’s taken the team is out there, and now we have to fight them. There’s always a big bad. I take the small circles off of my head, and stand up, suddenly feeling lightheaded. 

“Where are we?” I ask, biting down on my lip hard to stop myself from being sick everywhere. I am not sitting this one out, and the Doctor will definitely make me stay in here if he thinks I’m not fit enough to go on. He leans down to look at the monitor, and sighs.

“We’re in some old warehouse on the edge of Cardiff. It was shut down 10 years ago after it was deemed too unsafe to work in due to 5 deaths.” The Doctor explains, and I look over at the doors again. I look down at my outfit, which consists of tight grey jogging bottoms and a large baggy black t-shirt, and I realise that I am not dressed for a rescue mission at all.

“Right, let’s go get our team back.” I say, taking a deep breath and walking out of the TARDIS. The smell of mould and rot hits me hard, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from vomiting once again. The Doctor appears next to me, gripping my shoulder.

“Thank you for helping me, I know you’re not exactly the healthiest person in the world at the moment.” He tells me, chuckling slightly, and I just roll my eyes, quickly turning to face him, forcing my anger at him down.

“Let’s get one thing clear, I’m not helping you. I don’t even really like you, but you’re my best bet for getting them back.” He looks down at the ground, suddenly not really able to look me in the eye. I bite my lip and slowly walk through the warehouse with the Doctor following me, both of us trying to be as silent as possible. “Where the hell are they?” I whisper, and I look to my side to see Ianto lying on the floor, his eyes shut. I rush over to him, shaking him gently. “Ianto! Yan, can you hear me?” I ask my voice loud and incredibly high pitched. “Please don’t be dead, come on, please don’t be dead.” I watch him as he stirs, his eyes sliding open and widening the second they see me. He backs away, hitting the wall hard, not saying anything. I look back at the Doctor, who just shrugs. I stand up, running my hands through my hair, and we continue walking, seeing both Gwen and Tosh sitting in the corner, both watching me uneasily, neither taking their eyes off me for a second, even to look at the Doctor. What the hell is going on? Why are they all suddenly scared of me? I haven’t even spoken to them since they went missing - there would be no reason for this. We finally reach Jack, who’s standing in the middle of the room, and his mouth opens in shock when he sees us.

“Is it actually you?” He asks, and I chuckle, nodding.

“Of course it’s actually me, who else would I be?” I ask, and I hear footsteps behind me. I spin around, and I gag, the contents of my stomach finally forcing its way up the second I see the person behind me.

“That’s impossible.” The Doctor mumbles, and, after I’ve finally finished being sick, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, and stand up straight, staring them in the eyes. “Kasey, that’s you. That’s actually you!” And he’s right - the person standing opposite me is, well, me.


End file.
